Two serial killers struggle to curb their appetites for carnage while avoiding each other’s path and dodging the law.
Not only is there no obvious good guy, there are two ostensible villains. Whom is the audience supposed to identify/empathize with? The lack of a character in the logline that the audience would naturally root for makes it a tough concept to sell.
Well, if that’s the story you want to tell, I would hope that it’s more than a slasher-basher story, that what the logline lacks in immediate character appeal is more than compensated for in the script by a probing dramatization of the psychopathology.
And if that’s the way you want to go, then I suggest a modest tweak to the logline:
Two serial killers struggle to curb their compulsion to kill while avoiding each other’s path and dodging the law.
Now I am confused. Is the good gal detective the protagonist? Is so, then the logline needs to be written from her frame of reference — not that of the serial killers.
A logline should always be written with the protagonist, the main character, as its subject. Why? Because that’s how agents look for scripts for their clients. Suppose the agent for at bankable, middle aged, A list female actor is looking for her client’s next film. Reading this version of the logline would give her no clue that this story has a big role for a female, that it just might be right for her client. So she passes, doesn’t even give the script a read. And so will every agent for every other middle-aged female actor.
Loglines are about selling the steak by selling the sizzle So what’s the sizzle of this story? Two serial murderers on the lam trying not run into each other or an alcoholic female detective trying to catch them?