When a games tester encounters the virtual avatar of a dead friend in the real world, he must uncover a conspiracy that threatens our dimension.

PROMISE

Clint Cure Penpusher Asked on July 31, 2015 in Public.
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4 Review(s)

This sounds interesting it comes across as a combination of super natural and scifi.

The cause and effect relationship between the inciting incident and the goal is weak though. The connection isn’t made instantly clear to the reader and therefore the motivations are also unclear.

Without adding a lengthy description into the logline how does finding his dead friend’s avatar make him need to save our dimension?

A bit of logic flaw can a virtual being exist in the “real” world? Or is the “real” world not real? Also would he not need to save our four dimensions as appose to just one of them?

Hope this helps.

Nir Shelter Singularity Reviewed on July 31, 2015.
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Why he “must” uncover the conspiracy? Can’t he just freak out and do nothing? I assume that the virtual avatar is something very similar to a human being but this is not always the case, I think that this kind of movie will be very difficult to resume in a logline- anyway I think that you can be more clear, it would help.

FFF Mentor Reviewed on July 31, 2015.
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When it says, “threatens our dimension”, who is “our”? That’s a little confusing. The concept is very interesting. Cheers

Wayne Samurai Reviewed on August 2, 2015.
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So, he’s encountering the avatar in the real world? Or is his friend dead in the real world while the avatar’s still kicking around the game system? And no one “must uncover a conspiracy” — if it isn’t uncovered, no one knows about it, and therefore can’t do anything about it. If he has to get to the bottom of it, or expose it, that’s something…uncovering it would be the inciting incident.

mrliteral Penpusher Reviewed on August 2, 2015.
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