When a lonely, aging Aussie truckie finds a city girl online, he must reveal a deathly secret to win her.
Hmm… I’m guessing the protagonist is the truckie, but he sounds like the antagonist. I want to root for the girl. I don’t want her to be won by anything related to death. I’m guessing that perhaps I’m oversimplifying your efforts and you’ve got a lot more her than I’m able to see. But first off, I want to know who is the protag and antag and where my empathy might lie.
I agree that this makes it sound like the truck driver is the creepy antagonist. If not, maybe you’re trying to say he must reveal his darkest secret to win her love? Not sure the logline is suggesting enough of a plot line. And it sends mixed signals about genre. is it a love story? is its a thriller?
Thanks for the feedback guys. In reading it again, I agree – mixing genres and way too cryptic. It’s really a love story and he is the protagonist in what I’m hoping will be a feature that is full of adventure and gives the audience a real insight into the life of the Aussie long-distance truck driver. Back to the drawing board with a new logline coming up. Thanks! 🙂