When a lonely, middle-aged Aussie long-distance truckie finds love online with a city girl, he must overcome his fear of losing what he loves most to win her heart.

D Forde

Louise Weihart Penpusher Asked on August 16, 2013 in Public.
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18 Review(s)

You’ve spent a lot of words describing your protagonist. Can you trim it a little? Give us the flaw and “truckie” (I’d remove Aussie, because you don’t want to limit the potential for international interest in the film. The story should be universal).

Your wording is confusing – if the goal of the truckie is to win the affection of the girl, don’t describe him as having found love in the “event” half of the logline; it weakens the stakes.

What does your truckie overcoming his fear look like? At the moment, the “action” half of your logline is too vague.

nicholasandrewhalls Samurai Reviewed on August 16, 2013.
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Thanks!!! Think it might need to be Aussie but love interest could be US immigrant. Definitely need to find the overriding flaw though ….

Louise Weihart Penpusher Reviewed on August 16, 2013.
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I don’t mean your script shouldn’t specify if your characters are Australian or American, but you shouldn’t put it in the logline in this case, because the fact that the character is Australian has no bearing on the character’s goal or stakes, and it might mean that some producers would turn your idea away, because they might not be looking for a film that can ONLY be made in Australia.

nicholasandrewhalls Samurai Reviewed on August 16, 2013.
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hmmm ok interesting thanks … the idea though is that it is definitely set in Australia. I had another go at the logline … what do u think? When a middle-aged {Aussie} truckie falls in love with a city writer online, he must venture out of his solitary world to connect with her in hers.

Louise Weihart Penpusher Reviewed on August 16, 2013.
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It’s certainly getting closer. My question about the revised logline is; who is your antagonist?

nicholasandrewhalls Samurai Reviewed on August 16, 2013.
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