When a naive network engineer is suddenly disconnected from global mind-meld he must find a way to reconnect before government operatives hunt him down or sickness due to disconnection kills him.

andrewclau Logliner Asked on October 11, 2015 in SciFi.
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3 Review(s)

I had an idea similar too this about a mind-net that allowed people to connect to information and share experiences rather than do them for themselves… Only difference was my was a take on the Men In Black formula that if the Net got hacked who enters the net and saves people, well in my story coma patients.

anyways the setup and incident seem there, but the ending seems a little cluttered. Maybe give a reason why people hunt him, maybe the mind net is secretly manipulating the way people view the world and he sees it for what it really is and now does he expose the truth

Knightrider Mentor Reviewed on October 11, 2015.
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Why would government guys come after him?  Why does disconnecting jeopardize his health?  Is it a crime, is it deviant behavior to become disconnected from the “global meld”?  Why is it bad for one’s health?

Why doesn’t he want to take advantage of the opportunity and assert his independence from the meld?  Why should the audience want to root for him to re-connect — what kind of hero’s journey is that?

dpg Singularity Reviewed on October 12, 2015.
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Thanks for the feedback guys, the logline structure works but the elements are way too vague. Will try again at another date. Cheers.

andrewclau Logliner Reviewed on October 24, 2015.
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