When a planet in another galaxy is faced with annihilation, a plan hatches to have Franklin, an ordinary boy with extraordinary abilities from earth, help save the planet from destruction from the evil being known as Xero.

    omac092627 Penpusher Asked on November 10, 2015 in SciFi.
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    4 Review(s)

      What’s at stake?  Why must this kid be dispatched to another planet in another galaxy? As if there aren’t any problems we could use this kid to solve on this planet in this galaxy?  If Xero poses no existenital threat to planet earth, why must the kid  meddle in in affairs in a universe far, far away?

      dpg Singularity Reviewed on November 10, 2015.

      When a planet in a far away galaxy is threatened with annihilation by the evil ruler known as Xero, a Queen and her remaining allies hatch a plan to destroy Xero and his fleet with their last remaining option, Franklin, an ordinary boy with extraordinary abilities from Earth.

      I tried to reword it a bit better. I can write the hell out of a script but suck ass at writing log lines. Please help lol.

      on November 10, 2015.

      Do they come to Earth to get the boy? Just asking so I have a better idea of the story.

      on November 10, 2015.
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        Consider the logic flaw proposed in the first post by DPG. Why would a boy with, super powers of some sort,  go elsewhere to solve problems when he could easily be needed to do the same here?

        Perhaps they need to kidnap the boy, essentially leave him no choice? Other wise the basis of the concept make little sense.

        Regardless the logic flaw, best to describe the story elements in specific terms – What exactly can the boy do? What are his abilities?

        Lastly, it sounds like when told from the boys point of view the story is more interesting than from any other character’s. If indeed he is the main character, best to re draft the logline to reflect that. In order to do this, the logline will need to describe (in specific terms) what sets him off on his journey and what his goal is.

        Nir Shelter Singularity Reviewed on November 10, 2015.
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          don’t forget to avoid names in the logline, names means nothing.

          FFF Mentor Reviewed on November 10, 2015.
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            I like Nir Shelter’s notion that the boy is kidnapped.  Furthering the concept, why not it be the case that there is nothing extraordinary about the boy as is growing up on planet earth; everybody thinks he’s a loser.  So why would they kidnap him?  Because he has latent abilities that only become manifest on the other planet.

            Having that as the core concept– the hook– might have the makings for a good sci-fi, coming-of-age story.


            dpg Singularity Reviewed on November 10, 2015.
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