When a privileged naïve young woman is attacked by an enraged lunatic accusing her of assassinating his wife, her sheltered world comes crashing down around her with the possibility he may be right.

Sheep Among Wolves

Paul Clarke Samurai Asked on November 21, 2012 in Public.
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11 Review(s)

I really enjoyed this log line and can see it opening up many conflicts internally and externally. I’d perhaps only keep the descriptions of the characters to one or two, so a privileged naive woman, or a privileged young woman. Just seems a lot of description. Otherwise a good log line.

Kriss Tolliday Default Reviewed on September 19, 2012.
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I think this has good possibilities. Two things- the young girl needs an adjective/ flaw that hightens the mystery more, e.g. ‘bi-polar’ or ‘paranoid’ etc. Second- you have the protagonist, the inciting incident, and the antagonist but after that you need the goal and the stakes rather than the fluffy line about her “world crashing”. A good start with real promise.

Blue Parrot Default Reviewed on September 19, 2012.
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This is a story idea that I liked immediately but I also wanted to know why she thinks she could have assassinated someone – does she psychopathic tendencies or some other psychiatric illness?

Anne Default Reviewed on September 19, 2012.
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Thanks Kriss. I see what you mean. I think naive goes hand in hand with being young. So I’ll cut out young.

Paul Clarke Samurai Reviewed on September 19, 2012.
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Hi Phil. Thanks for the feedback.

I was intending her flaw to be the ‘naive’ part. Ironically you list psychological disorders and she has one. She has severe agoraphobia. But I thought it sounded clunky and pretentious when included in the logline. Instead it’s kind of alluded to by describing her world as sheltered. I would love to hear what people think of including the agoraphobia. Not sure if everyone knows what it is.

Paul Clarke Samurai Reviewed on September 19, 2012.
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