When a series of obese corpses are discovered missing body parts, an unorthodox headstrong detective must stop a cult of devil worshipers from further cannibalistic rituals and catch the cult leader.

Yum

Tai scrivener Penpusher Asked on August 9, 2014 in Public.
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3 Review(s)

Cool idea and title.

“Unorthodox” doesn’t feel quite right here as a flaw; first of all, it’s his methods that are unorthodox, right, not the character themselves? Also; it feels very much like someone who DOESN’T play by the rules is going to have an easier time following and catching a band of cannibals than someone who DOES play by the rules? So I would suggest reworking what the actual flaw your character will overcome in act 2 is,

Finally; the obese corpses is a great inciting incident; but you really need the “event” half of the logline to indicate how it directly sets your protagonist on the path to their goal. Either “when he’s assigned the case” or “when he discovers a dismembered, obese corpse while on a routine job …” etc. Bring your protagonist into the first half.

nicholasandrewhalls Penpusher Reviewed on August 11, 2014.
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“When an atheist detective is assigned to investigate a series of corpses with missing body parts, he must enter the world of the occult if he’s to discover who’s behind the ritualistic killings.”

Richiev Singularity Reviewed on August 12, 2014.
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Thanks guys. Have made a few tweaks. Let me know what you think.

In 1983, when a comedian wakes up with amnesia and unaware of his cocaine addiction, his life is threatened by a gun wielding mad man who gives him 48 hours to pay his debt. He must now discover his true identity and figure out how to pay this mysterious debt.

Tai scrivener Penpusher Reviewed on August 12, 2014.
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