When mysterious deaths in a new subway rail yard seem connected to an ancient curse, a stiff subsurface engineer must team up with a visionary astro-archeologist to secure the tunnel before the subway line opening.

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    FFF Mentor Asked on April 29, 2015 in Public.
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      If they don’t stop the killings, is the subway line going to open anyway? If so, the fate of the subway is not contingent for the purpose of the logline. IOW: why must they stop the killings before the subway line opens?

      And why is the subsurface engineer described as “constant”? Is it a character flaw or strength? If it’s a character strength, then is there a character flaw that jeopardizes the mission?

      dpg Singularity Reviewed on April 29, 2015.
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        I read constant as a description of his operations local as he constantly works underground, not sure if this was the intention or not though.

        Other wise the mention of the astro-archaeologist ally, aside from having a confusing description, seams redundant as it is not directly related to the plot. He will still want to stop the killing and find a way to do so with or with out the astro-archaeologist.

        The inciting incident lacks certainty in its devise because of the word “…seams…”. Better to establish earlier on a direct correlation between a concrete event that happens to the MC rather than raise a possibility or assumption.

        After a series of rituals murderers are discovered in a new subway line a subsurface engineer must catch the killer before the tunnel is complete.”

        Lastly I am not sure why the engineer must stop the killings and not the police.

        Hope this helps.

        Nir Shelter Singularity Reviewed on April 29, 2015.
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          It’s crazy like everytime I think I wrote a killer logline and then -Thanks To Everybody- I can see the many errors in it 🙂

          I’ll rewrite this one because it was really not clear at all.

          FFF Mentor Reviewed on April 29, 2015.
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            Is the new version any better?

            FFF Mentor Reviewed on April 29, 2015.
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