When a university student returns native sacred objects to a rural town he awakens an old Celtic curse. He must confront the curse to save the town and himself.

The Green Man

Clint Cure Penpusher Asked on June 23, 2015 in Public.
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8 Review(s)

I like your story idea, but I think you can up the stakes a bit. How about making it his hometown – the lives of his loved ones and friends are at stake. And how about an adjective to tell us a bit more about him. Is he shy, average, brilliant, the town’s returning football hero, or something else? Although I don’t think it’s a crime on occasion to have a two sentence logline, it’s not necessary here. As an example of what I mean, how about this:

‘When a naïve but clever university student locates and then returns sacred native objects to his small hometown, thus inadvertently awakening an old Celtic curse, he must unravel the mystery of the curse to save his loved ones, the townsfolk and himself.’

Default Reviewed on June 23, 2015.
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You should include some details about what curse (whare are the material effects of the curse)

FFF Mentor Reviewed on June 23, 2015.
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I like this hometown idea but if he seeks the sacred objects out to return them, then isn’t he creating the main event, therefore it’s not something that happens to him?

Clint Cure Penpusher Reviewed on June 23, 2015.
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But presumably he doesn’t know that the objects will awaken the curse – that’s why I used the word ‘inadvertently’. I was attempting to make it clear that he was trying to do his hometown a favour by finding the objects and then returning them. Otherwise, it might seem that he took/stole them from the town and is now returning what he took. Of course, my take on this could be wrong.

Default Reviewed on June 24, 2015.
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As FFF said. Give us a hint about how the curse manifests. It could be an insanity inducing curse, a plague inducing curse, or even a mysterious second head growing curse. I’m sure you’ve got something good and scary in mind.

Default Reviewed on June 24, 2015.
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