When a woman’s badly burnt body is discovered, an occult writer investigates a strange Christian sect. She must escape the cult and expose their evil.

The Book of Hammers

Clint Cure Penpusher Asked on June 23, 2015 in Public.
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11 Review(s)

Again this lack an original twist, or some irony… something that materialize the plot and give the reader a reason to read the script. Word “strange” means nothing. It’s like “when a rich businessman is found hammered in the head, a cop must investigate a strange real estate lobby”. You are very good at throwing ideas on the paper, and this is a true quality, really! This is very usefull in a brainstorming stage, but then you should work to the 2nd level and cook a “wow” concept. Why don’t you focus on the genre you like the most (the genre you know better) or a field where you have a good basic knowledge, to find some killer concept? There you talk about a “celtic” cult, here about a “christian” sect, are you really interested in celtic culture, history and myth, or Christians? Why not psycho hippies like Charles Manson? It will help to find good ideas in a field where you are confortable. Or you can keep firing with the logline machine gun 🙂
I tell you all this to (try) to help you improve your output.

FFF Mentor Reviewed on June 23, 2015.
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I’m not sure how to put a twist in a logline. The twist often comes up in the final act which is sometimes called the 3rd Act twist. That’s if you go by 3 Act structure theory.

Clint Cure Penpusher Reviewed on June 23, 2015.
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One problem with this version is that there is no character arc. What is the reporter’s character flaw that is exposed and tested by the discovery of the burnt body? A good logline explicitly states the objective goal and implicitly suggests the subjective problem — the arc of transformation the character must undergo– by the designation of a character flaw. What is there about herself that she must confront and overcome?

A far more interesting story would be if she’s a member of the cult — a true believer — until she discovers the burnt body. Now her faith, her entire belief system, everything she was willing to live and die for is thrown into doubt. She must overcome her delusion and disillusionment and escape from the cult to save her sanity — and her life.

fwiw.

dpg Singularity Reviewed on June 23, 2015.
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“When an attorney, and pathological liar, is magically compelled to be honest for one day, he must struggle to win the biggest case of his career – without telling a lie”. This is a very good logline.

You don’t have to spoil the end but to set some hook, usually linked to the first turning point at the end of the first act. A twist, some irony, something that hooks the reader, anything. And it’s even more difficult than this because you can’t go completely whimsical, you have to set a login in the whole.

FFF Mentor Reviewed on June 24, 2015.
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Does every story needs a strong character arc? What is Ripley’s character arc in Alien? What is the character arc for Sargent Howie in Wickerman (which is a similar tone to this story), Aren’t James Bond and Indiana Jones the same guys at the end of the movie as at the start.

Clint Cure Penpusher Reviewed on June 24, 2015.
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