When an arrogant, big-shot Hollywood Producer fails at murdering a big-shot actor, he must hunt down the star before the news gets out and ruins his career.

Executive Coen

andrewclau Logliner Asked on February 26, 2013 in Public.
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4 Review(s)

This logline isn’t bad, although a little strange as far as ideas’s go.

I wouldn’t repeat big-shot, I would drop both.

“When an arrogant Hollywood Producer fails to murder his primadonna actor, he must finish the job before the star reaches the authorities and ruins his career.”

One thing, Normally for a story to work you have to have someone to connect with. When Mel Gipson did Payback he played a bad guy but we could connect with the character of Porter because we understood how a guy could just want the money he was owed.

As written I don’t see any character to connect with, either the Arrogant Producer or the Big-shot actor.

We don’t know why the producer is trying to kill his actor. we have no motivation. Did the actor sleep with his wife? Was the actor making outrageous demands on set? Is the Producer trying to kill the actor in order to boost sale of an upcoming release?

We have the main character, his goal and the stakes but I would think about adding something that gives us a connection to the producer so we can cheer him on even though he is doing something bad.

Hope that helped, good luck with this.

Richiev Singularity Reviewed on February 27, 2013.
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Hi Richiev,

Thanks for the feedback.

The Producers motivation is to kill the actor to boost sales of the upcoming release of the film. His family has been kidnapped by the mob due to his massive debts and no bank in Hollywood will lend him any more money. He doesn’t want to involve the police as the mob have threatened to kill his family the moment police get involved and he believes them. He’s in so much monetary trouble that the only way to pay the mob off is to get the extra profit percentage from the film that he’s produced and is about to be released.

I’ve reworked this so you’re on the Producer’s side…

When an arrogant Hollywood Producer’s family is kidnapped by the mob due to his overwhelming debts, he has only a week to get the money if he is ever to see his family again.

andrewclau Logliner Reviewed on February 27, 2013.
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Hi Andrew,

Richiev nailed it.

As you put it here, I would consider telling the story from the POV of the actor, as we’ll feel his jeopardy.
Then, he needs to stay alive and bring the producer to justice.

Perhaps the producer is redeemable and they both learn that they can help each other get what they want?

Sorry, now I’m rewriting the story. 🙂

K

Karel Segers Samurai Reviewed on February 27, 2013.
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Hmm…. Arrogant? Shady, Double dealing or Scheming Hollywood producer will give one a better picture of the producer and would give an understanding why his family was kidnapped

blajay Default Reviewed on March 1, 2013.
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