When an exceptional London policeman discover a cult of murderers in a remote English village, he and his clumsy partner must bring them to justice.
Hello, I saw the movie but I didn’t recognized it!
I personally do not agree with your choice of the inciting event. Maybe it’s more the story of a london policeman who is sent to a very small and calm village. And you can describe better the main character as a cop with an overdeveloped sense of duty (his flow, what he need to change).
One more thing, when it’s a comedy it should be clear form the logline style.
I did find it familiar, and had to look at the title to confirm that it was what I thought it was.
Apart from that I agree with FFF. The discovery you describe happens very late in the movie… I think it’s even the plot point just before the third act. I believe the inciting incident is that he’s sent away by his superiors in the Scotland Yard (Martin Freeman, Steve Coogan and Bill Nighy.) They do it because “he is so good and efficient he makes the other police officers look bad.” Then his ex, the forensics girl (Kate Blanchet with a surgical face mask) points out his flaw: “That he can’t let go.” (Of his sense of duty)
Thanks FFF and Alan, I definitely agree with all of your points. With the inciting event I wanted to write that it was the involuntary relocation, but I was a little confused because to me there seemed to be two major events and I wasn’t sure which one to write without going over the word count.
Here is my revised version of the logline, I would really appreciate more critique as I am learning to write better loglines 🙂 – (I’m not sure if this logline really describes the movie as a comedy, I’m struggling with that part).
“A London cop with an overdeveloped sense of duty is involuntarily reassigned to a remote English village. He suspects foul play after a series of grisly accidents, and discovers a dark secret amongst the town residents. He and his clumsy new partner must now work together to bring justice to the small town of Sandford.”
Hello, I think you should keep it one sentence long. I suggest you to use the usual logline formula:
When [inciting incident] happens, [adjective]+[hero] must do [action] and fight [opponents] to reach [goal].
The trick is to focus only on the most importants elements. For exemple, there is no interest in the nale of the town “stanford”, it’s just a small town. It would be better not to mention “london” because the movie would be the same with any big city, in this case maybe ou can use because the movie is already done.
Try to keep in mind the irony of the movie: an uptight super cop in a dead calm small town… apparently!
What is the hero’s goal? To catch a swan? Yes but NO, this is just an assignment, the real goal is as you said ‘to bring justice’. Now you have to build one sentence which starts with the inciting event and goes to the hero’s goal. Between the incident and the goal there is CONFLICT.