When he finds out who killed his father, a laid-back youngster must return to save everyone from his evil Uncle and become the rightful king

Chris Erics Penpusher Asked on October 16, 2015 in Examples.
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4 Review(s)

The plot of this story seams to resemble Hamlet or the Lion King and I suppose if adapted to humans, in live action and present day it could be interesting.

What period is this story set in and where?

I would also change the wording to sound more dramatic and motivating than it is now. I find the father’s murder more compelling of an event than the discovery of the murderer’s identity:
After his uncle kills his father a rebellious prince who rejects the monarchy must become king in order to save his family from his uncle.

Hope this helps.

Nir Shelter Singularity Reviewed on October 16, 2015.
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Good! I Guess this is The Lion King. Maybe you should write that the main character  is a  prince or that he need to save his family and loved ones from his evil uncle.


StellaAurora Logliner Reviewed on October 16, 2015.
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In terms of content, if you’re deliberately writing a modern twist on Hamlet, more specific details of your setting are needed to help sell it – “laid back” doesn’t really give a clear description of the protagonist. Is he a college student? Does he work a dead-end job? Is he in a band? And King of what?

In terms of structure, there is a passiveness to your logline which makes it a bit dry. Perhaps something like this would spruce it up? “After the murder of his father, a young prince must return home to confront his power-hungry uncle and take his rightful place as king.” It still isn’t great but it is slightly less wordy with more immediate action.

Alex Cassun Penpusher Reviewed on October 18, 2015.
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Come on.  The Lion King is Hamlet.

Move it to a huge corporation like the Murdocks.

CraigDGriffiths Summitry Reviewed on October 19, 2015.
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