When her daughter is taken by nanobot creatures, an irresponsible scientist mother must venture beyond the city's walls and find the creature's lair to get her back.

Nanobeasts

andrewclau Logliner Asked on July 28, 2013 in Public.
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9 Review(s)

I like the imagery here. I think you should have a closer look at the set up though. Is the mothers fault her daughter had been kidnapped? Is there something she has to overcome to rescue her? Is there an adjective for the nanobots to make them more interesting?

Default Reviewed on July 28, 2013.
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Thanks for the feedback! I didn’t communicate anything about the deadly nature of the nanobot creatures. Will work on this one.

andrewclau Logliner Reviewed on July 28, 2013.
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Nano means one billion and is used for extremely small units of measurement: a nanosecond = 1/1,000,000,000 of a second. So how are nanobots, by definition extremely small objects, capable of “kidnapping” a person?

dpg Singularity Reviewed on July 28, 2013.
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Fantastic comment dpg, thanks for drawing attention to another weakness in my logline.

andrewclau Logliner Reviewed on July 28, 2013.
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Hi Andrewclau. I think the relationship with the daughter and mother should be highlighted a little more. They could be estranged and the mother has to learn more about her daughter to track her down. Or, the mother and daughter could work together to stop the robots, which forces them to confront their past and why they’re estranged.

danielarmour2012 Default Reviewed on July 28, 2013.
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