When her favorite dream-streamer stops sharing his dreams, a rigid executive must help him dream again to win the contract of her life before her nightmares destroy her temper.

Dreamshare Inc.

FFF Mentor Asked on April 23, 2015 in Public.
Add Comment
11 Review(s)

This is an interesting concept however, ‘must try everything…’ is very vague. You should tell us specifically she tries to do to get him to dream again or drop the line.
—–
“When her favorite dream-streamer stops uploading, a cold executive must help him dream again to stop her nightmares and save her equilibrium.”
—–
However, ‘save her equilibrium’ is not very compelling.

Does she have another goal? Does she have an important deal or client and may lose them if she doesn’t get a good nights sleep? Is her job is at stake and her whole world will come crashing down if she doesn’t get the dream streamer to stream again?

Because, that would be a bit more compelling

Hope that helped, good luck with this!

Richiev Singularity Reviewed on April 24, 2015.
Add Comment

Everything Richiev said. The protagonist needs a clear cut, objective goal. And I am dubious that merely avoiding nightmares, recovering equilibrium makes the cut in terms of stakes big enough for an audience to care about, get emotionally invested in.

My other concern is that she fundamentally has the wrong goal. She wants to reconstitute a dependent relationship on the dreamstreamer when what she really needs to do is develop the strength to dare to dream her own dreams, to live her own dream (and waking) life independent of the dreamstreamer.

That said, it’s an interesting concept. But I think it would benefit from re-focusing.

dpg Singularity Reviewed on April 24, 2015.
Add Comment

I’m probably suffering from a lack of context because I’m not exactly sure what a dreamstreamer is (is it a sentient being?), but the male/female back and forth (her favorite/help him/if she) is throwing me off.

Huston Tronnes Default Reviewed on April 24, 2015.
Add Comment

From the logline I am guessing a Dream-streamer is someone who dreams for you. You go to sleep and hook up to the ‘stream’ and dream their dream instead of yours.

but that is just a guess.

Richiev Singularity Reviewed on April 24, 2015.
Add Comment

Richiev got it right: “a Dream-streamer is someone who dreams for you”.

Thanks for the feedback, I’ll try to rework the logline.

FFF Mentor Reviewed on April 24, 2015.
Add Comment

Your Review

By posting your review, you agree to the privacy policy and terms of service.