When lonely long-haul truck driver D Forde falls in love online with a city writer and single mother, he must cross more than the Nullarbor to overcome his fear of abandonment and win her heart.

D Forde

Louise Weihart Penpusher Asked on January 22, 2014 in Public.
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24 Review(s)

Great logline! For me, I think having “D Forde” in it is unncessary and clutters it a bit. Also, not sure what Nullarbor is so may want to substitute a more generic word for that one.

eshaules Default Reviewed on January 23, 2014.
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Since you are writing a story based on actual events, I’m simply going to consolidate what you wrote to reduce the word count.
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“When a lonely truck driver falls for a disenchanted city writer, he must cross more than the outback to overcome his fear of abandonment and win her heart.”
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I changed Nullarbor to Outback because I have no idea what Nullabor is 🙂

Richiev Singularity Reviewed on January 23, 2014.
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Hey, Louise! My take is:

When a shy long-haul truck driver falls in love online with a sophisticated city writer on the other side of Australia, he risks all to cross the Outback and the cultural gap that separates them to win her heart.

Notes:
I changed it from Nullarbor to Outback in order to increase the physical risk and effort he must make, is willing to undertake — that’s how besotted with love he is.

I chose “shy” rather than “lonely” because the latter is a problem while the former is a character flaw. And I described her as “sophisticated” to suggest another obstacle — their contrasting/clashing backgrounds and socio-economic status.

As did Richiev, I dropped “single mother” to tighten it up. My thinking is it that while it’s great for the story it isn’t necessary for the logline. But I kept “online” because I think it is a key catalyst.

Hope this helps.

dpg Singularity Reviewed on January 23, 2014.
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Thank you SO much guys! As you know I have been working on this for months and months. Thanks to you and feedback from meetups in sydney as well as from Karel Segers, I think I am very close now …… I guess shy as the flaw suggests that there is a lot to overcome in terms of self-confidence, fear of rejection, even abandonment …..?

When a shy long-haul truck driver falls for a city writer online, he must cross more than the outback to bridge the cultural divide and win her heart.

Louise Weihart Penpusher Reviewed on January 23, 2014.
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Is there a ticking clock in your story, some complication that adds urgency to his quest?

dpg Singularity Reviewed on January 24, 2014.
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