When robots run amuck in an historical theme park, a shy Chinese boy must battle robotic Australian icons to save the lives of his classmates.

Park Oz

Clint Cure Penpusher Asked on June 19, 2015 in Public.
Add Comment
11 Review(s)

Are you hoping for a Chinese release? If so, I wouldn’t make the boy “shy”, rather he should be proficient in martial arts.

Lemmy Caution Penpusher Reviewed on June 19, 2015.
Add Comment

If a make him shy than he becomes the ‘worst person for the job’ rather than Bruce Lee.

Clint Cure Penpusher Reviewed on June 19, 2015.
Add Comment

No hope of a Chinese release then.

Lemmy Caution Penpusher Reviewed on June 19, 2015.
Add Comment

I’m not sure how you are arriving at that conclusion from what I have written. Do you think the only way to sell movies to China is to include martial arts? Have you seen Bait? Why would I even try to compete with Hong Kong action movies? They spend a lifetime training for those things?

Clint Cure Penpusher Reviewed on June 19, 2015.
Add Comment

Hello,
your loglines are not bad,
in my opinion they share the same problem:
all the elements should be linked by some organic links.
For exemple, why the boy should be chinese? why not french? or italian? this detail is not linked to the rest of the story. For exemple, if it’s about a theme park about japanese mangas, the main character could be a fanboy who is now forced to fight his beloved characers. Or, in an ‘american historical fathers’ theme park’ a history professor could be the main character, forced to kill robot lincoln etc… The opposite logic could work too: an arachnophobe must fight giant robot spiders to overcome his deepest fear.

What interests you in your story? The chinese boy? So think about a theme park who fits your character in some way. The australian historical park? So find the most compelling character to face the australian Icons (I have no idea what australian Icons could be, this could be a problem for the understanding of the logline).

The other loglines you have pubished share the same problems. They’re ok for a low-than-the-average b-movie. Ther could be some genius in the movie -if it will ever be produced. This kind of average plot could be produced if It comes from an established production company, but if you’re writing on spec, than you should try to do your best to make each logline you write absolutely the best. I must say “wow” when I read it, not just “not bad”. Anyway, “not bad” is a very very good starting.

FFF Mentor Reviewed on June 19, 2015.
Add Comment

Your Review

By posting your review, you agree to the privacy policy and terms of service.