When the bodyless talking brains of the most brilliant scientists want to leave the country, their simple minded transporter must learn to use his head to pass the frontier before the government or the resistance get their hands on them.

Brain drain

FFF Mentor Asked on May 28, 2015 in Public.
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9 Review(s)

“When he’s asked to transport 13 ‘living’ brains out of the hands of the totalitarian government, a mercenary with a knack for getting the job done, must evade the police, sky cameras and nefarious rebels if he’s to deliver the genius craniums to safety.”

Possible title:

Insane in the membrane

Richiev Singularity Reviewed on May 28, 2015.
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Ok! this is a very different angle! What I like in my logline is the irony of a simple man who must deal with the ‘living brains’ of 13 scientists… The MC will learn and grow and will take his own decision about what to do with the brains. It’s more a comedy than a thriller. Thanks for ‘living brains’: it’s better than just ‘brains”

FFF Mentor Reviewed on May 28, 2015.
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>>the living brains of the 13 most brilliant minds ask him help

Confusing. Is he transporting brains? Or men with brilliant minds — “brains”? (And any particular reason why 13 — not just one or two?)

And no women?

dpg Singularity Reviewed on May 28, 2015.
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I edited the logline, is it clear enough now? It’s a sci-fiction/comedy where brains can live in tanks, outside the body.

FFF Mentor Reviewed on May 28, 2015.
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Similar to the conventions of bodiless heads established in Futurama this could work as a comedy.

However the logline is confusing. How can “…unbodied living brains…” talk or communicate with no body?
If the inciting incident is them asking him for help then the basic logic that permits this needs clarification.

Secondly there are a few grammar/spelling mistakes; “…his…” instead of “…him…” I think is what was intended and “…get…” instead of “…put…”.

Lastly the stakes could be increased by changing the “or else” result. Instead of the government just wanting to catch him how about the government wants to exploit the brains to develop super weapons, this way if he fails many other people will be in danger.

Hope this helps.

Nir Shelter Singularity Reviewed on May 28, 2015.
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