When the hipster invasion drain the neighborhood of low-incomers, a wrecked ex-butcher rallies the rejects to hit back, only to find the hipsters drain people of blood too — HIPSTER VAMPIRES

FFF Mentor Asked on October 7, 2015 in Horror.
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2 Review(s)

This premise would not work even for a quirky, outlandish, comedy.  But for an alleged horror concept?  I don’t think so.

But how could this be improved?  Well, a start would be to put a much more menacing tone on the logline.  For example, “Pale hipsters move in, poor people disappear, a wounded butcher loses his shop.  Coincidence?  The butcher does not think so.  He rounds up misfits to take on these new nocturnal urbane intruders.”  (Not a technically perfect example, but the sense of menace is at least there.)

One advantage you have here is that the title does a lot of story-suggesting work for you.  On that basis what your logline really should be doing is suggesting how there is more to this than just another vampire flick.  So, for example, instead of wasting words about blood-sucking you should spend a few on what makes this fanged group different.  For example, are they “renegades” or “outcasts” even from their own kind?  Are they even pacifists or trying to wean themselves off blood?  Whatever little extra you can inject into the logline to make the whole thing less standard ‘vampy’.

Steven.

Steven Fernandez Penpusher Reviewed on October 13, 2015.
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With nowhere else to go, an out of work butcher in East LA rallies a group of disenfranchised tenants to take their dilapidated apartment building back from a growing infestation of vampire hipsters

Fma Samurai Reviewed on February 22, 2017.
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