When the most trusting man in America journeys to Nigeria to collect his expected inheritance promised to him in an e-mail by a prince, he must overcome bitter reality and find his prince in order to see the good in people once again.
Is too big a call to label him the most trusting man in America. How can to substantiate that?
I guess he is over-trusting. Or naive or gullible.
It seems “journey to Nigeria” and “find his prince” are one in the same, so no need to repeat it.
Why is he “his” prince? Instead of “a” prince. Does he own him? If you are implying that he needs to find a metaphorical prince (to find “good in people”), it’s not clear.
I wouldn’t mention “email” – it’s too confusing.
hope this is useful 🙂
As comedies go DPG’s suggestion has more potential for comedic moments and is far more marketable.
Unless you have a late draft script with a producer attached, why not develop the reverse concept instead?
Otherwise the logline is too wordy, lacks an inciting incident (discovery of the scam maybe?) and has a vague goal.
Why does he travel to Nigeria in the first place? How does he plan on taking his inheritance?
What is it he wants to achieve exactly? How will he know he found “…the good in people…”? What will this look like?
Hope this helps.