When the most trusting man in America journeys to Nigeria to collect his expected inheritance promised to him in an e-mail by a prince, he must overcome bitter reality and find his prince in order to see the good in people once again.

My Beautiful Prince

MichaelHag Penpusher Asked on August 26, 2015 in Public.
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9 Review(s)

Is too big a call to label him the most trusting man in America.  How can to substantiate that? 

I guess he is over-trusting.  Or naive or gullible.

It seems “journey to Nigeria” and “find his prince” are one in the same, so no need to repeat it.

Why is he “his” prince?  Instead of “a” prince.  Does he own him?   If you are implying that he needs to find a metaphorical prince (to find “good in people”), it’s not clear.

I wouldn’t mention “email” – it’s too confusing.

Cheers,
hope this is useful 🙂

Wayne Samurai Reviewed on June 21, 2016.
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Why not flip the premise, make the protagonist a Nigerian, an executor of an estate worth millions, but none of the beneficiaries (in the U.S. or wherever) will claim it — no one will believe him, they all think it’s a scam?

dpg Singularity Reviewed on August 26, 2015.
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That is a funny angle, but I’ve already developed the premise of a middle school counselor who enrages everyone with his trusting attitude.

MichaelHag Penpusher Reviewed on August 26, 2015.
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“After he’s scammed out of his life savings, a beloved but over-trusting school councilor, travels to Nigeria to prove the Nigerian prince does exist and there’s still honesty in the world.”

Richiev Singularity Reviewed on August 26, 2015.
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As comedies go DPG’s suggestion has more potential for comedic moments and is far more marketable.

Unless you have a late draft script with a producer attached, why not develop the reverse concept instead?

Otherwise the logline is too wordy, lacks an inciting incident (discovery of the scam maybe?) and has a vague goal.
Why does he travel to Nigeria in the first place? How does he plan on taking his inheritance?

What is it he wants to achieve exactly? How will he know he found “…the good in people…”? What will this look like?

Hope this helps.

Nir Shelter Singularity Reviewed on August 26, 2015.
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