Singularity Posted 4 days ago in Horror.
This one has been haunting my brain for 10 days now. Which is a good sign, I guess, given the genre.
I have some quibbles over terminology raised in the discussion thread. (Technically he suffers from a multiple personality disorder, not schizophrenia; the two aren’t interchangeable). But that aside I think it’s an intriguing concept, definitely a film I am curious to see how the narrative keeps the character — and the audience — in the dark for most of the movie.
In terms of how to phrase the logline, I am of a divided mind. On the hand, the standard rule says never give away an important spoiler, specifically the Big Reveal, in a logline. On the other hand, the most important must-have element in a logline is a good hook. And in this story, the story hook is the Big Reveal — that it’s a conspiracy of multiple selves.
So which element is more important? I have concluded that this is a case where having a good story hook trumps the “no spoiler” rule.
Best wishes with this story. Hope to see it soon in a theater, or on a streaming service.
- 59 views
- 2 reviews
- 1 votes
RE: A disgruntled actress attempts to renew her U.S. residency by agreeing to help a politician fabricate a personable image in a reality TV show about the Arizona hierarchy.Singularity Posted 4 days ago in Comedy.
>>>but problems ensue when she falls for the opposing candidate”
I think that for this to work, her objective goal must directly — not obliquely — clash with her relationship. And I suggest that a goal that would bring her into head on conflict with her love interest is for her to be hired to go negative, to do opposition research and trash her love interest.
It’s also more realistic. Going negative is SOP in politics. Alas, that has been demonstrated over and over to be the most effective way to campaign. It’s not enough to polish one politician’s image; it is also necessary to trash the rival.
Therefore, to maximize conflict and comedy in the situation, the objective goal given to her ought to be to do negative research, to trash the rival.
And since there’s only a month to go until the election, it’s too late for her to credibly fall in love with him. Better that they are already secret lovers when she’s hired.
- 64 views
- 5 reviews
- 0 votes
RE: After receiving a video of her perfect fiancé committing what looks like a sexual assault, the soon-to-be bride is torn between trusting her man or trusting her gut.
As Richiev said.
Of course, the video creates internal conflict. But loglines are about external conflict. More specifically, this logline needs to lay out what she does about what she has discovered. Because of the video, what becomes her objective goal?
- 56 views
- 5 reviews
- 0 votes
RE: When evidence surfaces that an earlier generation of rebellious replicants has reproduced, a compliant next generation blade runner must find and “retire” the child whose existence threatens human domination.Singularity Posted 4 days ago in Examples.
>>>>The logline works when you have prior knowledge of the world. Otherwise…
The short answer: As I said, it’s a sequel. Not a fresh story, not a spec script. The title alone tags is as such, “Blade Runner 2049”. Any power player in Hollyweird who doesn’t have prior knowledge of the first movie has no business being in show business.
The long answer (since you didn’t ask): First of all, we write loglines for 2 purposes: 1] To develop a pithy pitch for a script. 2] To develop a pithy statement of the plot, to find and bring into sharp focus what the script, reduced to the bare bone essentials, is really about.
I wrote this logline as an exercise for the 2nd purpose. To figure out the plot, what “Blade Runner 2049”, reduced to its essential story elements, is really about. The inciting incident for the exercise was a story twist in the movie.
The story twist in “Blade Runner 2049” that incited me was that, come to find out, another character wants to find the illicit offspring, And his motive is not to “retire”, but to replicate.
“K”, the protagonist blade runner has a rival. Who has the same objective goal — but for a different reason.
The rival is the new owner of the technology for manufacturing replicants. He wants to find out how the “flawed” Nexus 8 generation (Rachel) could reproduce. Why? Because replicants are expensive and time consuming to manufacture. The rival wants to mass produce them fast and cheap the old fashioned way — by sexual reproduction.
I wondered whether a logline (for either a pitch or the plot) needed to include the rival and his rival goal. Maybe something like:
When evidence surfaces that an earlier generation of replicants has reproduced, a next generation blade runner must find and “retire” the child before the new owner of replicant manufacturing technology captures the child to discover how to make replicants cheap and easy — by sexual reproduction.
Injecting a rival into the plot certainly amps up dramatic tension (and deepens and broadens the theme). But injecting it into a logline increases the word count past what I deem to be an acceptable length.
And after reviewing logline fundamentals, I concluded it wasn’t necessary. Because:
A logline is written from the pov of the protagonist. It is based upon what the protagonist knows at the time he commits to his objective goal. What he believes to be the stakes at that plot beat.
Now then. At the time the police chief orders “K” to find the illicit offspring, “K” is unaware of the rival or his intention. So is the audience: we don’t find out about the rival until the rival finds out about the child — many minutes and several scenes after “K” does. So neither “K” nor the audience know “K”is up against a rival with different motives, different stakes.
Which is to say, there’s no dramatic irony at that point in the story. The audience is not privy to information relevant the to central plot (aka: the “A” story) that the protagonist is unaware of. So there’s no need for irony in the logline.
(And BTW:I don’t recall “K” ever realizing why his rival wants the illicit offspring — but I may have nodded off and missed a plot beat.)
So I opted for the logline that focused only on “K”, the protagonist, what he knows, what he believes to be the stakes. I resisted the temptation to treat the logline as a Christmas tree, to adorn it with additional plot decorations.
For the purpose of figuring out the plot, I used the logline to find the “clothesline” (to mix/mangle metaphors) on which everything else hangs. And in “Blade Runner 2049” that clothesline is the blade runner’s search and destroy mission.
- 66 views
- 3 reviews
- 0 votes
RE: When she inadvertently creates an empathetic AI in her online search for Mr. Right, a lonely computer programmer, comes under intense government scrutiny, which leaves her with only one option—interacting with a human.
The logline starts with a potentially interesting story hook — a character clever enough to create an empathetic AI — then buries it for another story line that has no hook. Why?
And that her nemesis is a government conspiracy is a tired, overused and in this case illogical trope. By illogical I mean there is no obvious reason why the government would want to shut her down. If she wrote a program that could hack the NSA or the CIA network — yeah, it’s obvious why they would hassle her, want to shut her down. But for creating an empathetic AI? Why? What’s the government’s motive?
- 44 views
- 4 reviews
- -1 votes