dpg's Profile



"Less is More." --- Ludwig Mies van der Rohe
  • Singularity Posted 10 hours ago in Drama.

    Thanks for the link, Nir Shelter.  “The Phone Call’ wasn’t just nominated for an Oscar. It won. So you definitely had a worthy subject, Foxtrot25.

    Here’s my take on a logline for the film:

    A lonely counselor for a suicide hotline struggles to save the life of a lonely caller who has overdosed on pills.
    (21 words)

    “Lonely” signals the implied ironic character arc/subjective issue.  That he’s overdosed embeds a ticking clock into the plot.

    • 4 reviews
    • 0 votes
  • Singularity Posted 19 hours ago in Horror.

    At the others have said.

    Unfortunately, the logline buries and obfuscates the lead, the inciting incident. “Until having a surprising and disconcerting final confrontation” belongs at the beginning, not the end.  And the “confronation” needs to be specifically defined.  And then how she must respond to it; IOW: what becomes her objective goal as a result.

    • 5 reviews
    • 0 votes
  • Singularity Posted 1 day ago in Drama.

    There is plenty of drama working on the suicide hotline.

    I know from personal experience. I’ve had a 2nd suicide call come in while handling the 1st.  But after 3 rings the 2nd rolled over to another hot line.

    That’s the way the national suicide hotline number (1-800-273-8255) is configured  to work.  It sends the call  to the hotline in the area code (or the nearest area code) of the  person in distress.  If that hotline is busy, it rolls over to another available hotline in the suicide hotline network.  (I’ve handled re-routed calls from coast to coast.)

    IOW: the national suicide hotline network in the U.S. has been designed to avoid the scenario in the logline.

    • 4 reviews
    • 0 votes
  • Singularity Posted 3 days ago in Noir.


    >>>This 20-minute piece shoots in spring,

    Oh.  Now that I know that, I wish to modify some of what I said previously.

    Unless informed otherwise, my feedback assumes that a logline is for a full length feature film because that is the purpose of most of the loglines posted here.  That is also the default assumption of the guidelines posted under the “Our Formula” link at the top of the web page.

    Now then. In a feature film (100-120 minutes) the entirety of the 1st Act, about 25-30 minutes, is devoted to setting up the objective goal the protagonist will pursue in  Acts 2 and 3.  But your short will be over with in less time than that!  So do the guidelines for the standard formula fully apply to your project?

    My provisional opinion is:  mostly.  I think the general 3 Act structure in terms of the dynamics of the action still apply albeit in a very compressed form.  That is, set up a protagonist with a dramatic problem [Act 1];  stir complications into the plot [Act 2] that builds tension to a  climax and denouement [Act 3].

    Therefore, I suggest that even for a short, a logline should clearly ID the protagonist in terms of a defining characteristic (usually a flaw or vulnerability).  And I suggest the logline should clearly indicate the inciting incident that sets the story motion.  Sets the story in motion in terms of a dramatic problem that the protagonist must solve.  To wit, the protagonist’s implicit objective goal,

    That said, imho, the most important element a logline for your short — for a film of any length — is a good hook that immediately grabs and holds a logline reader’s interest.

    Alas, it is my impression that phrases like “tries role playing” and  “mind games” conceal more than reveal what the story hook might be.  I encourage you to reveal the hook , flaunt it, dangle it out there in front of my eyes, like you would a baited hook for a fish.


    • 6 reviews
    • -1 votes
  • Singularity Posted 3 days ago in Noir.

    >>>bites off more than she can chew when she tries role-playing’

    How so exactly?  What  does that mean?   A logline should tell — not tease  about–  the specific nature of the plot problem.

    What is the inciting incident that causes her to get involved with the brothers?

    And what must she do after she gets involved — what becomes  her objective goal?

    And what are the stakes, what are the consequences?  What will she lose or suffer if she fails?  What should we be rooting for her to gain by succeeding?  (IOW: what should an audience care what happens to her or the brothers?  Why should / how will they get emotionally involved in the plot predicament, whatever it is?)

    Please check out “Our Formula” at the top of the web page for guidelines on formulating an industry acceptable logline.

    • 6 reviews
    • -1 votes