RE: After a happy-go-lucky Marine survives an assassination attempt, he goes after the man behind it, a rogue officer, and stop him from selling WMDs to the government of an enemy planet.Singularity Posted 2 hours ago in SciFi.
>>> don’t know why a cloned Marine would be any less capable than a Marine who’d been born the “normal” way, as it were
1] In your story world, you can have cloning as a perfected technique, of course. My response was based on the scientific fact that when cloning was first tried (on sheep), the clones turned out to be inferior copies. The explanation at the time was by way of analogy to xeroxing, where copies are never as good as the original.
2] And if cloning has been perfected, then what is his character flaw? The dramatic purpose of a character flaw is to create suspense in the form of doubt or uncertainty as to whether it will be the downfall of the character in his dramatic quest. (How does “happy go lucky” put him in jeopardy of failing?)
It’s necessary for a protagonist to face life-threatening external jeopardy — but that isn’t sufficient. The external jeopardy needs to be complemented by an internal weakness or flaw — an “Achilles heel”. I say complement in that the flaw or weakness must be engineered such that the external jeopardy threatens to exploit it and defeat (and kill) the protagonist. And I don’t see how being “happy go lucky” fits that criterion.
My point is that cloning is an opportunity to introduce a character flaw. In the story, the clones can be advertised and certified as 100% perfect by the manufacturer — which only means, must mean, that there is a hidden flaw. The iron law of dramatic irony and dialectical contradiction.
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RE: After her rich husband and her lover are found murdered on her living room floor, a beautiful woman must prove her innocence to avoid being murdered by the police while in custody.Singularity Posted 8 hours ago in Noir.
Time and chance are wild cards in the marketing of a movie.
“Dirty Harry” and “Death Wish” were successful because of the zeitgeist of their time; cops who played loose and dirty with the rules and laws, vigilante-style justice played to people’s frustrations and anxiety that there was a break down in law and order (in the USA anyway), that normative police and justice procedures were ineffective. Too many of the bad guys seemed to be beating the rules of the system.
Today (in the USA anyway) I think it would be a lot harder for a movie with a “Dirty Harry” type cop character to get made.
Whether this particular “star chamber” premise can tap into a current zeitgeist of a mass anxiety, phobia or discontent, I don’t know. Maybe if the woman were an emigrant, an Islamic woman, it might play in Great Britain to current anxieties associated with Brexit. But I don’t know if kbfilmworks wants to tip toe through that mine field.
I throw that out there for what it isn’t worth because of another question Nir Shelter raised in an earlier post: what motivated the formation of a “star chamber” group of vigilante cops in the 1st place? What’s the origin story? And here is where I personally have problems with the credibility of the assumption that seems to underlie the premise.
My own conclusion based on first hand observation while working in law enforcement was that vigilante style “justice” in police work (aka: street justice) was usually motivated by 3 situations: 1] Because of the victim’s race; 2] Because the victim was a serial offender, a thief, a pimp, a drug dealer with a long rap sheet who seemed to beat the system. He always made bail, always got off with a reduced charged and token time served. 3] Because of the victim’s race and rap sheet (And god help him!)
I don’t see any of the 3 situations reflected in this premise. There is no indication that the woman belongs to a minority, either racial and/or religious. There is no indication that she’s a serial offender. So I don’t see these why vigilante cops would have the motivation to take the risk of executing “star chamber” justice on her. Risk because they are operating outside the law; there’s always the possibility of them being caught, being fired, being jailed themselves. Why are they taking the time and risk to “try” and execute her when there are so many other suspects more “worthy” of their brand of justice?
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RE: Noir Dramedy: Attempts by a mentally unstable and displaced young couple to forge a family with a stolen baby are jeopardized by law enforcement, a relative with vested interest, and an abusive ex-lover; their only chance of success seems to be returning to their homeland.
And why should the audience root for the mentally unstable and homeless couple to succeed? They’re mental and physical instability would seem to put the baby in long term dire jeopardy. A baby they kidnapped, not less. Seems like they ought to fail, need to fail for the sake of the infant.
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RE: After her rich husband and her lover are found murdered on her living room floor, a beautiful woman must prove her innocence to avoid being murdered by the police while in custody.
So the rogue cops have constituted themselves as a modern day “star chamber”. If they are her real antagonists, I think they need to be referenced explicitly in the logline. A reader shouldn’t be left to wonder, to guess on that point; it’s a key element (to wit, selling point) of the plot.
A logline should leave a logline reader wanting to know more in terms of what happens. But I don’t think a logline should leave a reader wanting to know more in order to make sense of the premise, to find it credible.
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RE: Rom-Com: THE DAY THE MUSIC STOPPED AN AGING ROCK GROUPIE can’t find a Band so she takes it out on every MAN she dates, until she dates a PSYCHIATRIST.Singularity Posted 3 days ago in Romance.
Then I suggest leading off with something like
“After being dropped as a groupie from the only band that would have her, a lonely [or some other vulnerability] middle aged woman [does something defined in terms of an objective goal].”
I’m not saying to drop the shrink from the plot if that’s the way you want to go. I’m merely suggesting he doesn’t need to be mentioned in the the logline.
What the logline does need to accomplish is send the groupie-reject off in pursuit of a specific goal to fulfill her obvious subjective need (for acceptance, love and all that). Maybe she’s destined to go through a series of Mr. Right’s until she meets-cute Mr. Right and and hilarity ensues. Whatever, leave that for the script.
As I said, I think you have a rough gem of a character for a story. But she needs polishing and setting within the context of an interesting plot. Best wishes with the story.
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