Moses99's Profile
Mentor
7240
points

Loglines
76

Reviews
251

A screenwriting and filmmaking student from the Central Coast, Australia but currently living in Newcastle Upon Tyne England. Having worked on many shorts, music videos and even a few feature films, Bryson-Edward's keen interest in film and filmmaking has him working hard on bringing his own debut feature screenplay to the big screen.
  • Mentor Posted 4 hours ago in Drama.

    Would he have a number, because the way your logline descries the (somewhat limited) action of the script, it seems like it will end in tragedy. This could be a chance to do an inspiring never-get-me-down type screenplay (think like Rocky meets Pursuit of Happiness) instead of something seemingly quite depressing. Just food for thought about what story you are wanting to tell, and “sell”.

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  • Mentor Posted 1 week ago in Comedy.

    A quick floating question: why is the host “suicidal”, that almost seems like a trope-y trait at this point. How does her being suicidal correlate to the action of the story? Why would she care if the city is destroyed if she’s going to kill herself? Why would she even go to work — if she’s truly suicidal, that means she should be literally on the edge, not just thinking about it. Hope this helps.

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  • Mentor Posted on August 8, 2017 in Public.

    It is right before the break into the third act. Here is a good, simple template for where the things you’re referring to go in the story structure you’re working with (as far as I can tell): https://goodinaroom.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/Blake-Snyders-Beat-Sheet.pdf

    I’d suggest reading all of the late, great Blake Snyder’s  Save the Cat for a more detailed breakdown of this, genre and character. Hope this helps.

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  • Mentor Posted on August 6, 2017 in Comedy.

    Foxtrot25 I would say the original poster is afraid of his idea being stolen, yet still wants to refer back to the feedback so he’s edited it. It’s happened a few times on here before. People are naturally precious and paranoid, I guess.

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  • Mentor Posted on August 2, 2017 in Examples.

    dpg: I’m a sucker for Shakespeare and you brought up some interesting points regarding his stories. To me, he is the master of story in the same way that Hitchcock is the master of film. In particular, I’m a fan of A Midsummer Night’s Dream and use that almost as a (very rough, skeleton-like) template for some of my tandem narratives, so it’s fascinating that you brought him up. Thank you for your points.

    Dkpugh1: It is hard work, but not all that much more than writing a regular screenplay. But, I often find myself writing tandem narratives because it’s what I find most interesting to watch and write. I find it much more compelling to have multiple characters all arcing and developed than just one with a few semi-interesting supporting characters (and often supporting characters are comic relief and much more interesting than the angst-ridden leads) which allows for a lot of creativity and variety. Although, I much prefer something like Dazed and Confused where the characters are all intertwining in a close proximity of each other than Love Actually which is a lot more desperate.  Thanks.

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