RE: When a self-absorbed desert-trawling truckie falls for a devoted mother and city writer online, he must take responsibility for his own son, before winning her heart or losing his last chance for true love.Logliner Posted on June 14, 2017 in Romance.
I love the ‘self-absorbed’ part. Leave that in. Last I checked Tom Cruise was pretty self absorbed in Rain Man and the Oscar people didn’t seem to mind. It’s the reason he will have trouble taking responsibility for his son, because clearly he usually only cares about himself.
Also, it’s a lot more specific and interesting than lonely. I’d watch a high-flawed self-absorbed character learn their lesson any day, over a moping lonely dude who spends all his time on the road.
I would chance desert trawling to long-haul truck driver as that paints a clearer picture of him and his occupation. Desert trawler is trying to hard and makes him sound more like something out of Mad Max, where he spends his days search the post-apocalyptic desert trawling for resources.
I don’t think the fact that they met online adds anything. In fact personally that makes it sound boring, I would consider changing it, and certainly leave it out of the logline.
And I would structure the second half. Cut back on the romance, it’s implied. Just so long as it is the goal. So something like this:
To win the heart of a big city writer, self-absorbed long-haul trucker must first take responsibility for his own estranged son.
- 132 views
- 9 reviews
- 0 votes
RE: Two young men with opposite lives from opposite sides of the world unwittingly exchange destinies as one encounters the other, and the other encounters a vision of God.
I would sum up this logline in one word – Vague.
The purpose of the logline it so we (or a potential producer, actor, director, etc) can imagine the movie, and hopefully it intrigues them enough to want to find out more. But from this logline we could imagine a thousand different versions of the movie and be none the wiser what yours was supposed to be.
Try including some specifics.
- 416 views
- 4 reviews
- 1 votes
RE: CELTIC BAYOU embodies the triumph of the human spirit against all odds, as it tells the story of Gretchen Stevens, a teen-aged pupil at an all-girls dance academy who must confront a tyrannical substitute teacher, devious fellow students, past physical injuries and her own troubled past; all of which stand between her and her life’s dream.
This is more of a mini-synopsis rather than a logline. No need to include title or the character’s name. Or the ‘triumph of the human spirit’ mumbo jumbo – save that for the posters
Instead give us some specific and interesting trait so we get an idea what kind of person she is. And make all the other details more specific as well. Things like ‘troubled past’ could be anything, so it doesn’t help give us an idea for the movie you’re proposing.
If you could also introduce a specific goal (graduate, get a certain role, etc) – that would also help.
- 439 views
- 3 reviews
- 0 votes
RE: A soon-to-be heiress must overcome her atheism to make amends for her father’s past to inherit his fortune, but when Satan intervenes, it becomes a fight for her future.Logliner Posted on November 3, 2015 in Thriller.
Atheism isn’t a flaw to be overcome. It would make more sense to describe her as a skeptic.
Other than that, like Nir mentioned, it’s a hot mess of story elements that don’t easy form a coherent story.
- 508 views
- 2 reviews
- 0 votes
RE: In order to take care of her recently orphaned younger sister, a broke twentysomething decides to sleep around with married men with the intention of blackmailing them, lest she expose them for their infidelity.Logliner Posted on November 3, 2015 in Student Loglines.
Even if she’s doing it for her younger sister, it still seems a touch too callous. Does it have to be several married men? Wouldn’t targeting a single, high-profile married man be the best way to go. Surely that would be enough money to get by, and any more would seem greedy.
The last line about – lest she expose them for their infidelity – is completely unnecessary. Obviously that is the case. I would prefer if the male target she went after was already having an affair (and hitting on her) and she just decided to take advantage of the situation to benefit her sister. If the man was her boss or something like that it would also add interesting complications.
To provide for her orphaned sister, a young woman accepts the sexual advances of her sleazy boss with the intention of blackmailing him later.
- 487 views
- 4 reviews
- 0 votes