Posted by David_Howlett on Aug 7, 2012 in Public | 2 comments
I am just learning how to write these LogLines myself so I am by no means an expert but after reading your submittal I find myself asking, “and then what”. Is there a reason to mention the fact that his friends are Australian? Does it have some significance? Since this is a comedy, where is the punch line? Without knowing what the story is about it makes it hard to make a suggestion but perhaps something like this.
An Indian immigrant suspects his new wife’s infidelity, to avoid problems back home when he asks for a divorce he enlists his friends to get the proof he needs. Only to find out that one of his friends is his wife lover.
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Hi Tony… thanks for the feedback. Yep am learning to write them myself as well. Good point about the use of ‘Australian’. The story is set in Australia and I wanted to try and allude to the cross-cultural challenges that will occur, which I guess is implied by using ‘immigrant’ anyway so I’ll get rid of it. The motivation for the hero is to get a divorce but he has to be extremely careful so as to avoid any repercussions for his family back in India. This has to be done while not alerting his wife as well. I will rework it though to try and make it seem more straightforward. Thanks again!
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