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  • Summitry Posted 3 mins ago in Western.

    I like this, a lot. It’s visual. I identify with the protagonist who has a fine mystery and yet a clear goal. Kurosawa’s Mifune comes to mind. Good luck with your writing!

    • 4 views
    • 1 reviews
    • 1 votes
  • Summitry Posted 15 mins ago in Thriller.

    Why did the colleague had to blackmail him, for spying on someone who could be a threat to all? Can the former colleague not take his suspicions to the Cops?

    • 5 views
    • 2 reviews
    • 0 votes
  • Summitry Posted 31 mins ago in Crime.

    The action of pay back is coming up with that kind of money, right?
    How’s the blackout stopping them from paying back the mob boss?
    That’s where your story is. You need to be more specific on this detail.

    Is being his best friend enough to make him ‘must help him..’
    or else?? What are the stakes? the boss won’t harm him when payment isn’t done.
    The urgency needs to be more personal. Everyone gets what they deserve, including his best friend.

    • 3 views
    • 1 reviews
    • 0 votes
  • Summitry Posted 1 hour ago in Fantasy.

    An ideal Goal is a direct result of the inciting incident which, in this case should be “to find a way back to her forest tribe..”
    OR change the inciting incident to suit her current goal – After her father declares a war on the gods… …she must confront him in order to [goal]

    An ideal Logline raises only one question to the reader: will the protagonist reach his goal?
    All the other questions exhibit a lack of clarity
    , which include:
    1. Confronting her long lost father (whatever that means) & How will that restore peace in the realm?
    2. Why MUST she bring him back home, given that he is a vicious king? Shouldn’t the goal be: to keep him away from the tribe?
    3. How is she orphaned when she has a long lost father? I get that she considered him dead, but it lacks clarity.
    4. The “magically transported..” bit… How? suggest some causality of what might’ve been.

    PS. Way things are, a futuristic universe won’t have many animals, let alone talking ones..

    • 3 views
    • 1 reviews
    • 0 votes