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  • Overlord Posted 14 hours ago in Thriller.

    Agree with Paul about his points. To add, specify the containment aspect of this story. Producers are always seeking contained thrillers due to cost.

    Why are they forced to solve this crime — they secluded in a bad storm or something?

    • 24 views
    • 2 reviews
    • 0 votes
  • Penpusher Posted 19 hours ago in Comedy.

    A profoundly Dyslexic boy growing up in 1880’s outback Queensland, uses his ageless wisdom to beat his wealthy bullying rivals at their own game, becoming the town luminary in the process.

    • 37 views
    • 5 reviews
    • -2 votes
  • Samurai Posted 1 day ago in Comedy.

    History unfold through the perspective of a 10 year old  genius in Outback Australia when he grows to become the towns Pharmacist, Dentist, Optometrist, Mayor and more but the real challenge is childhood sweetheart who’s not not easily impressed.

    • 37 views
    • 5 reviews
    • -2 votes
  • Samurai Posted 1 day ago in Thriller.

    I like the idea, but the wording is awkward.

    Colleague is a work thing, but this is a bunch of friends play poker, so not sure if it fits. I don’t think the location (bathroom) is necessary and it is the cause of the awkward wording. So perhaps begin with something as simple as – When the new guy turns up dead at their weekly poker tournament, five childhood friends must uncover the murderer before XXX

    And then outline the stakes and imply why they have to solve the crime, rather than simply calling the police which is the clear and obvious reaction in such a situation.

    • 24 views
    • 2 reviews
    • 0 votes
  • Singularity Posted 1 day ago in Comedy.

    >>>He has dyslexia which I will mention.

    Which, however, does not seem to stop him from being a “wonder boy”.  In drama (whether played for laughs or tears) the purpose of a character flaw is to raise suspense, put in doubt, serious doubt, that he can succeed.  That his flaw or vulnerability will be his downfall,

    Also, in addition to being too long, the logline reads like “a string of pearls” story.  That is, a story where a series of events are linked together like pearls on a string with no singular pearl that stands out as the overarching objective goal.  Nor any sense of conflict and tension building to crisis and climax.

    What is his overarching objective goal, anyway?  And who opposes him?  Who is his nemesis?

    • 37 views
    • 5 reviews
    • -2 votes