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  • Singularity Posted 3 hours ago in Romance.

    Richiev’s version makes it a re-tooling of the premise of the 2005 Will Smith film, “Hitch”.    Well, maybe.

    Richiev is  correct that the standard complication for a story of this genre is for the protagonist to unexpectedly fall in love with the person with whom he starts a relationship with on the wrong foot (aka: they “meet cute”). After all, it is a romance.

    And why would she continue to accept dates with him if some positive alchemy wasn’t developing in her mind in spite of her him two thumbs down reviews?

    So yeah, the logline would benefit from a polish that includes a romantic complication.

    • 2 reviews
    • 0 votes
  • Singularity Posted 3 hours ago in Drama.

    Since the grandfather is the only character mentioned I am going to assume he is the lead… If that is the case one important element which is missing is the leads goal.

    What does your lead want?
    Adding that element to the logline will improve it greatly

    (If the Grandfather is not the lead character, you should just do another logline from the perspective of whoever is the lead)

    Good luck

    • 1 reviews
    • 0 votes
  • Singularity Posted 3 hours ago in Romance.

    The logline, as written, is vague on who the lead character is. It begins as if the blogger is the lead character then halfway it switches perspectives to the guy she is dating.
    I would re-write it something like this:
    “When he discovers he’s dating a famous relationship blogger, a habitual ‘Mr. wrong’, realizes this is the perfect chance to get pointers on his dating style but his plans go awry when he begins falling in love.”

    • 2 reviews
    • 0 votes
  • Singularity Posted 3 hours ago in Adventure.

    If the logline is worded right, then we will know she gets a taste of criminal life from reading it and won’t have to be told.
    “When her father’s vintage  Crown Victoria is stolen, a desperate daughter of the police chief must steal it back from a local biker gang safe and in pristine condition before her dad finds out she took it without permission.”

    I think the lead needs a different goal… The goal would be the reason she took the car in the first place and the reason she must get the vehicle back without her father finding out is because she will be grounded for life and (Miss the big dance) or something like that.

    She wants something, (Something the audience can relate to)
    her father said no.
    She takes the car,
    now as a result of her disobeying her father,
    the car is stolen
    and she is in big trouble if the theft is discovered by her dad.
    Thus begins the longest night of her life filled with an assortment of odd (Bubble boy type) characters and strange situations.

    Just some thoughts

    • 1 reviews
    • 0 votes
  • Logliner Posted 4 hours ago in Drama.

    I think what the others are saying is to state what the hero must do and not what he ends up doing.  This seems like a very odd movie plot to me though, to choreograph a dance rather than go to the police and even to watch a dance that might act out a molestation – it sounds too uncomfortable for me to want to tune in, much less pay money to see.

    • 3 reviews
    • 0 votes