RE: A god-fearing headmistress explores ungodly means to stage the suicide of a student in order to help him cut off from his toxic parents.

    Adarsh Dora Penpusher Posted on February 12, 2019 in 01.
    Add Comment
    3 Reviews

      Agree with Richiev’s comments. I thought the same thing when you posted the revision. Love the direction this goes in but it’s definitely worth keeping the reveal a secret. However, I can’t help but wonder why she doesn’t just go to the authorities. Why does she have to take such extreme methods. With any story you have to make sure that the audience aren’t just sitting there going “can’t they just….?”

      You just need an inciting incident really. I would consider losing “god-fearing” and “ungodly means”. It would be better if you gave us something that could suggest her arc. What’s her emotional journey going to be? “Ungodly means” – what does this mean? Without giving away too much is there a better way to say the lengths she’s prepared to go and why.

      I think if she’s a headmistress and he’s a student it’s a fair to assume he’s underage so I’m not sure it’s important to include this. Perhaps you could include a characteristic for the student though… he’s a huge part of this story so it might be worth fleshing him out a little.

      Hope this helps.

      Summitry Answered on February 12, 2019.

      Hi!

      Thank you so much for laying it out in such detail. This definitely helps.

      Will rework the logline keeping in mind everything Richiev and you mentioned.

      on February 12, 2019.
      Add Comment

      Your Review

      By posting your review, you agree to the privacy policy and terms of service.