RE: A god-fearing headmistress explores ungodly means to stage the suicide of a student in order to help him cut off from his toxic parents.

Adarsh Dora Penpusher Asked on February 12, 2019 in 01.
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3 Answers

I read your previous logline and this one. As a result, I would say, how the logline should be written depends on what the audience knows and when they know it…

Does the audience know the headmistress helps the kid fake his death? Or is it a big reveal?

If the audience knows from the start the headmistress is helping the kid fake his death then this is good.
If the audience is in the dark about the headmistresses plan, then you are back at square one because a logline never gives away the big reveal.

Richiev Singularity Reviewed on February 12, 2019.

Hi!

Thank you for reviewing my logline.

It was meant to be the big reveal at the end. In that case,  I guess my logline doesn’t work. Back to square one, it is.

on February 12, 2019.

I like the concept. Definitely a suspenseful story.

on February 12, 2019.

Thank you!

Have given the existing logline a minor tweak. Could you tell me if this works, both in conveying the plot and in withholding the reveal as well? If it doesn’t, I’ll go back to the drawing board and start afresh.

A god-fearing headmistress explores ungodly means to help an underage student cut off from his toxic parents.

on February 12, 2019.

That is better, but you are still missing the moment when the headmistress discovers the student has toxic parents. The moment that sets the story in motion.

on February 12, 2019.

Ok.

Back the drawing board then.

Thank you!

on February 12, 2019.
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