RE: A teenage loner meets his first love during lucid dreams and will have to choose between dream and reality, to be awaken without her or to never wake up.

      officialfrankromeo Penpusher Posted on May 8, 2020 in Romance.
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        Anyways, the logline… 

        INTENTION: be with his dream girl.

        OBSTACLE: she exists only in his dreams. A huge, huge problem. In fact – there’s tons of problems here.

        A teenager falls for a girl who exists only in his dreams – and must figure out a way to be with her.

        So. I dunno. I’m curious to know what others think. If you need to add some stakes to that. (I honestly think the stakes almost seem innate here.)

        Perhaps…

        A teenager falls for a girl who exists only in his dreams – and must figure out a way to be with her, before his parents commit him.

        My notes:

        1. I’m not sure how necessary it is to characterise. He could just be a teenager.

        2. Choosing between dreams and reality is certainly a good dilemma. 

        3. Reminds me of Avatar. Perhaps Avatar meets Vanilla Sky? It has potential to be quite reality-bending, complex and philosophical. Regardless – it still works as a small, simple fairytale romance. (which is fine too.)

        4. Sounds like the real problem is just being with her.

        5. I honestly reckon this is the best concept I’ve seen on here. (Certainly my favourite thus far. I’d watch it.) It’s got lots of potential. Lots of angles to approach it from. Curious to know what others think.

        Good luck!

        Mentor Answered on May 8, 2020.

        Thanks! Love to read your review!
        Actually there’s way more than that, but I can’t reveal that in the logline! 🙁

        I’m at my 3rd draft of a 97 pages script, the trickiest part is the logline though!

        on May 8, 2020.

        TBH – in this case. The concept is very, very strong. In my opinion.

        If you were to drunkenly pitch this to someone in a bar as 

        “A man falls for a woman who is quite literally the woman of his dreams” they’d probably get it instantly.

        (I honestly reckon if you can pitch something to someone in a bar – and they get it instantly. Then yeah – you’ve got something good on your hands.)

        on May 8, 2020.

        The clearer and more exciting the idea – the better the chances your script will be read 😉

        I hope that script’s great as can be!

        on May 8, 2020.

        Thanks mate!

        Only thing I’m struggling with is the stake part.

        First version was: A teenage loner meets his first love during lucid dreams and now struggles between dream and reality.

        on May 9, 2020.
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