RE: A young man with a cursed illness leaves his hometown and embarks on a dangerous journey that will lead him to the healing of the King of a lost city without knowing that his former prince is looking for him to make him a generous offer.

    Answered

      kalinthecelloboy Penpusher Posted on May 14, 2020 in Fantasy.
      Add Comment
      3 Reviews
        Best answer

        This reads more like a synopsis rather than a logline.

        Some points:

        • What does the cursed illness have to do with his dangerous journey and the king?
        • What is his actual goal in this story? The healing of the king? Or finding the prince? I dont understand.
        • The wording “a generous offer” is too vague. Swap it with something dangerous or surprising like “…without knowing that his former prince is close on his heels.”
        Mentor Answered on May 14, 2020.
        Add Comment

        Your Review

        By posting your review, you agree to the privacy policy and terms of service.