RE: It’s 2151 and a bio scientist finds herself in the middle of the largest coverup in history. She begins a race against time to expose her former CEO’s deceit or else mankind changes forever.

      Bbass74 Penpusher Posted on May 14, 2020 in Thriller.
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      5 Reviews

        As savinh0 pointed out, your logline is a little vague. It feels like all the most interesting bits you’ve either accidentally or deliberately omitted – otherwise known as burying the hook! Loglines thrive on specificity, so, specifically, what is the coverup? What is the CEO’s deceit? How will mankind change forever?

        Ideally a logline should be phrased as a single sentence with limited to no commas. They break up the flow for the reader and I think you could easily find a way to amend this to work without a fullstop.

        What is actually stopping your protagonist exposing her former boss? As a goal, it’s fine, but what’s standing in her way? Where does the actual conflict come from?

        I agree with savinh0’s point about the future setting. As it currently stands, if you remove the setting, the plot remains the same. So what, specifically, is in this future that means this story can’t be told at any other point in time? Either remove, or expand.

        Currently she’s just a bio-scientist… but who is she? She is at the core of this entire story so give us something more. What’s her arc? Her character flaw? Is she at the peak of her career, internationally renowned? Or just a lackey?

        There’s definitely something here, but without that specificity and character, I’m struggling to see what it is. Keep going!

        Hope this helps.

        Singularity Answered on May 14, 2020.

        Thanks Mike, I responded to savinh0 with full plot and another attempt. Would love your thoughts, thanks!

        on May 15, 2020.
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