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  1. Asked: April 5, 2022In: Coming of Age

    After his workaholic mom is send to work at their native island, Alex (11) will live his first summer at the gransparents village.

    Richiev Singularity
    Added an answer on April 6, 2022 at 4:01 pm

    The word 'His' seems to come out of nowhere, I get the gist of what you are saying in the logline but it is still written in a slightly confusing way. When her workaholic mom... (So we are talking about a girl young enough to still be living with her mom) His son Alex (11) (This is the part that conRead more

    The word ‘His’ seems to come out of nowhere, I get the gist of what you are saying in the logline but it is still written in a slightly confusing way.

    When her workaholic mom… (So we are talking about a girl young enough to still be living with her mom)

    His son Alex (11) (This is the part that confuses me, who is the ‘His’ that has a son?)

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  2. Asked: January 6, 2022In: Coming of Age

    A Latin American immigrant teen who is also of Chinese descent lives his “Wonder Years” trying to fit in a half black, half white small Missisippi town in the 1980s.

    Odie Samurai
    Added an answer on January 11, 2022 at 8:53 am

    This is what I’m able to glean: “Set in a 1980s Mississippi town, a mixed-race Latino teen must overcome racism in order to [GOAL]” OR “… overcome prejudice against immigrants …” OR Show “Wonder Years” e.g., “… racism when falling for the mayor’s daughter” Hope you find this constructive, make thisRead more

    This is what I’m able to glean:
    “Set in a 1980s Mississippi town, a mixed-race Latino teen must overcome racism in order to [GOAL]”
    OR
    “… overcome prejudice against immigrants …”
    OR
    Show “Wonder Years” e.g., “… racism when falling for the mayor’s daughter”

    Hope you find this constructive, make this yours – keep going!

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  3. Asked: November 18, 2021In: Coming of Age

    A strawberry obsessed college student runs away to seek fame after suffering from physical and emotional abuse in 1960s San Diego.

    Philippe Le Miere Logliner
    Added an answer on November 18, 2021 at 3:58 pm

    "strawberry obsessed college student" = protagonist "traumatic childhood" = inciting incident "growing up" = goal "1960s San Diego" = setting Could be a good story sketch, but overall too vague. Lets start with the kooky 'strawberry' obsession. What underlying character flaw might this be revealing?Read more

    “strawberry obsessed college student” = protagonist

    “traumatic childhood” = inciting incident

    “growing up” = goal

    “1960s San Diego” = setting

    Could be a good story sketch, but overall too vague.

    Lets start with the kooky ‘strawberry’ obsession. What underlying character flaw might this be revealing? Greed (over eating) or ambition (to be a strawberry farm). As it stands, this is more a distinguishing mark of character, rather than a character trait.

    traumatic childhood sounds nasty, but be specific. Head trauma, rape trauma, verbal abuse trauma … Sighting the source of trauma would reveal the drama’s villain too.

    Growing up is a good goal, but could it be more specific? Getting out of a bad relationship is specific, and maybe this story is about living with an abusive parent … just riffing here. The point is trauma must come from some where, causing character to do something, to attempt to be somewhere else
    – like wishing they were in the middle of a strawberry farm, eating an endless supply of strawberries.

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