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  1. Posted: September 6, 2022In: Fantasy

    When a vicious king threatens the peace between the Gifted and Commoners in Athenia, a red headed thief, participates in an illegal ritual where she discovers, she is the last Moonkeeper. To stop the evil in the kingdom, she must take help by an angry warrior, a gold hearted prince and the next king in line with horrific powers, before the world as she knows it, disappears.

    OKBoomer Penpusher
    Added an answer on October 7, 2022 at 12:47 pm

    It appears as if you have two inciting incidents; 1) A vicious king threatening peace, 2) she discovers she is the last Moonkeeper. So, I believe you have two options - 1) start with - When a vicious king threatens war, the last Moonkeeper must... - or - When a thief discovers she is the last MoonkeRead more

    It appears as if you have two inciting incidents; 1) A vicious king threatening peace, 2) she discovers she is the last Moonkeeper. So, I believe you have two options – 1) start with – When a vicious king threatens war, the last Moonkeeper must… – or – When a thief discovers she is the last Moonkeeper, she must stop a war by…

    Also, you have a included a physical description (Redhair), which may have some significance in the story, but for us readers of the logline we have no idea what relevance it has so it is redundant. For loglines, it is recommended to stick with character descriptions i.e. hotheaded, adventurous, dutiful

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  2. Posted: September 28, 2022In: Fantasy

    A geeky young woman discovers a book of fairytales that are set in a carnival in her town.

    OKBoomer Penpusher
    Added an answer on October 7, 2022 at 11:47 am

    This is the setup and the inciting incident. What happens next?

    This is the setup and the inciting incident. What happens next?

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  3. Posted: September 6, 2022In: Fantasy

    After capturing a dragon, a young viking has to defy previous beliefs of the animal in order to protect his people from a much bigger threat.

    BenGilani Logliner
    Added an answer on September 21, 2022 at 8:01 pm

    Hi EmelieN, Here's how I understood the story based on your proposed logline: "To protect his people against a more severe threat associated with a dragon he captured, a young Viking must ignore the superstitions and dangers that comes with the species." Use the above logline as a template if you thRead more

    Hi EmelieN,

    Here’s how I understood the story based on your proposed logline:

    “To protect his people against a more severe threat associated with a dragon he captured, a young Viking must ignore the superstitions and dangers that comes with the species.”

    Use the above logline as a template if you think I got your story right and rewrite your logline.
    I hope this helps.
    Good Luck

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