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20 years ago a team of scientists, led by a brilliant, but dying, astronomer, sent out a probe searching for intelligent life, now that life is searching for those who attacked their homeworld.
A brilliant astronomer returns back to earth after a 20year search for intelligent life in the universe.Only to investigate the unkown force that devastated his homeland.As he struggles with his own mortality
A brilliant astronomer returns back to earth after a 20year search for intelligent life in the universe.Only to investigate the unkown force that devastated his homeland.As he struggles with his own mortality
See lessWhen a descendant of Cain commits murder, the statue of Cain becomes alive to exact revenge, and the killer is…A child!
You have me with bringing in "Cain" but the rest makes me question. My first response was aren't we all children of Cain (within the scope of that story)? Cain, Able, and possibly Seth were the children of Adam and Eve. No children are mentioned for any of them, but only Cain has any mention of a wiRead more
You have me with bringing in “Cain” but the rest makes me question. My first response was aren’t we all children of Cain (within the scope of that story)? Cain, Able, and possibly Seth were the children of Adam and Eve. No children are mentioned for any of them, but only Cain has any mention of a wife and going off to live life (according to what I just looked up, forgive me if I’m wrong). Your story might address this, but here in the logline it makes me scratch my head. Second thing you had me with is the statue coming to life. However, and this might just be me, the fact the child is the killer doesn’t grab me the way it clearly is intended. I’m neutral on it. If I had this logline in front of me and the synopsis, I would read the synopsis, but I might not ask for one if I just got the logline. I don’t know what I need, cause I’m still trying to learn logline writing, but I know I need something more to fully nab me. Sorry I can’t be more helpful and say “it needs this!” Good luck!
See lessFollowing a high school reunion a man seeks forgiveness from a childhood sweetheart who he wronged 15 years prior. She however has plans for revenge and will stop at almost nothing to ruin his perfect life.
If I understood this correctly, I'm intrigued. I'm assuming she had put it behind her in one way or another (ie. that she buried the trauma in her subconscious; or even that she assumed, herself, that she had forgiven him and had moved on) until the feelings resurface upon seeing him. There's a lotRead more
If I understood this correctly, I’m intrigued.
I’m assuming she had put it behind her in one way or another (ie. that she buried the trauma in her subconscious; or even that she assumed, herself, that she had forgiven him and had moved on) until the feelings resurface upon seeing him.
There’s a lot of potential there.
Formatting-wise, don’t forget your commas.
“Following a high school reunion, a man seeks forgiveness from a childhood sweetheart who he wronged fifteen years prior. She, however, has plans for revenge, and will stop at almost nothing to ruin his perfect life.”
Punctuation doesn’t add to the word count, and it helps with the ebb and flow of the read.
Even with the commas, it still doesn’t read as smoothly as it could; and unfortunately I don’t think it’s a matter of dropping a word or two in order to achieve that rhythmic, poetic flow that makes a logline beautiful.
Mind if I try?
“Faced with a blast from his past at his high school reunion, an opportunistic man seeks forgiveness from his former girlfriend, but inadvertently sparks a revenge plot in her that could ruin him.” (33 words)
This is if the man is the MC.
If the woman is the MC, I could see it reading something like this:
“After a brief encounter at their high school reunion, a woman spurned releases a level of hell’s fury with the aim to ruin her ex-boyfriend and everything he holds dear.” (30 words)
Truthfully, I don’t think either of my versions remain close enough to the original spirit of your logline, but hopefully (maybe?) you get a sense of rhythm and flow from them that you can try to emulate, should you attempt another draft?
At any rate, kudos for the story concept.
See lessI now see this was posted in 2014. I hope you were able to do something great with the script.