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When her father’s charred body is found on the outskirts of their outback town, a headstrong teenager destroys evidence so that the town’s secrets will remain buried in the ashes; but when an exchange student is struck by meteor fragments carrying a mind-altering parasite, federal authorities quarantine the town and our heroine must solve a murder mystery before she is absorbed into the alien hive-mind.
The word ‘When’ usually describes an inciting incident. You have two ‘when’s’ in your logline, indicating two inciting incidents… This is a logline issue. (Or perhaps a story issue) (Sorry I copy-pasted this, but you have to watch out with the word 'when')
The word ‘When’ usually describes an inciting incident.
See lessYou have two ‘when’s’ in your logline, indicating two inciting incidents…
This is a logline issue. (Or perhaps a story issue)
(Sorry I copy-pasted this, but you have to watch out with the word ‘when’)
1. A University recruits an inexperienced and idealistic academic as Dean, despite the secret plans of the sociopathic Deputy Vice-Chancellor to close the business school.
Hi MARKAFARRELL, Reading the logline and synopsis, this is what I see: When a business school's deputy Vice-Chancellor plans to shut down the establishment, a newly hired inexperienced dean struggles to save the school, and attract students despite the lack of proper resources and support. If so, usRead more
Hi MARKAFARRELL,
Reading the logline and synopsis, this is what I see:
When a business school’s deputy Vice-Chancellor plans to shut down the establishment, a newly hired inexperienced dean struggles to save the school, and attract students despite the lack of proper resources and support.
If so, use this as a template and re-write.
Good luck
I hope this helps.
See lessHomewardsbounsville Chronicles: (Sci-Fi/Sitcom): A con man created as a scientific experiment must return to futuristic School for the Strange, that created him before he destroys modern day St Louis, and in turn himself.
I am wondering, "What does he have to lose if St. Louis is destroyed?"
I am wondering, “What does he have to lose if St. Louis is destroyed?”
See less