2112: the government is about to destroy a city’s ability for deep emotion, an outcast telepath must trade in her beloved, to rescue someone murdered in the past to start an uprising.
I have the same questions as variable. I’m so confused by so many elements of this logline that it hurts my brain. Check out the formula tab to help with formatting.
Why is the government destroying the city dweller’s ability for deep emotion? Saying she’s going to “trade in” someone she loves… that’s makes her sound cold-hearted (which isn’t great for a protagonist… not only is she not saving the cat but she’s sacrificing her true love) and I struggle to understand why. Why is it only this person who was murdered who can start an uprising? How does one even go about trading in a loved one for a dead person?
There’s a lot of double mumbo-jumbo in here – in this SciFi world governments can destroy emotion, there’s telepathy, the ability to bring people back from the dead, and/or possibly time travel(?). I worry that’s a lot for audiences to get their head around – particularly in a short! (If ‘double mumbo-jumbo’ means nothing to you, I highly recommend ‘Save the Cat!’ by Blake Snyder)
I get that it’s set in 2112 BUT if this is on earth then mankind has evolved really far in 100 years! It’s a little unbelievable given how little we’ve evolved in the last 100 years. Our achievements have been technologically based. Unless this uses technology to make all of this possible (which is still a little far fetched – see double mumbo-jumbo above) then I would have concerns. If it’s not on earth – maybe add that in… 2112 Blargon Seven.
As variable asked – is this written already? If so, how many pages?