3 siblings set out on an adventure with their father’s friend, a professor, to find out what caused his disappearance and stop the power that could destroy humanity that he was looking for.
“When dad goes missing, 3 siblings set out with his research colleague to conclude their latest project responsible for his disappearance”
But
When 3 siblings track down their father’s disappearance to his recent research project, they must _______??
since we grew up with great many family adventures, I respect films headed in that direction.
Cheers Leviathan!
If you can answer the proposed question:
When 3 siblings track down their father’s disappearance to his recent research project, they must do what?
If you can find a peculiar response to this question, you will have found your story hook
But they must attempt at something out of the box to hook us in
Well, for starters, finding their missing father was the main key and the professor lead to the last known location before his disappearance. They not only have to find their missing father, but also stop a power from getting out of control. I thought that was the hook. I guess I need to put that in the logline since i learned how to edit.
That’s Great!
Is it better or worse than the other one?
as long as it’s around 25 words it works
(Except when you need to specify additional info, such as based on a true story)
If something has the potential to destroy humanity, it’s knowledge couldn’t remain limited to a couple old professors..
My guess is that this is for a Wrinkle in Time?
Take it back to the fundamentals. Start with the event:
“When their father is abducted by an inter-dimensional evil …”
Focus on one flawed protagonist to ensure correct POV, even if you include the other characters in the logline, and to imply the character’s arc and internal journey:
“… a reticent middle-schooler and her two siblings…”
Then get clear with the goal. Not knowing what the ultimate goal is (either of your story or, if I am correct in my suspicion, of A Wrinkle In Time), the appropriate action to the event is to ‘get dad back’. But being specific can indicate the tone and genre of the film:
“… travel across space and time to get him back.” (or to bring him home).
“When their father is abducted by an inter-dimensional evil, a reticent middle-schooler and her two siblings travel across space and time to get him back.”
Just throwing some of my thoughts out, as I’m still learning to, if I may.
Character: 3 siblings … don’t we want one clear, unique protagonist? Or is it their dad’s friend?
Incident: Father disappears
Action: Find him
Reversal: discovering the dangerous power
Action2: defeat power … do we know the means?
I find this far too vague. The stakes seem high but what is the hook? What kind of professor? What kind of power that can destroy humanity? Is it supernatural, is it manmade, is it alien? Do you need all 3 siblings? Why? Can’t it be one child perhaps connecting with the father’s estranged partner for example? Why does the Dad’s friend agree to go on this journey? Perhaps they are more than friends? Estranged colleagues? Former lovers? I need more specificity and more connective tissue with the characters.
>>>more “connective tissue” with the characters,
amen.
Good advice by Nicholas, and if he’s right, I dare say you should have posted this under ‘Examples’.
Also, take note of the wording suggestions made on the thread – you should never underestimate the importance of clarity in a logline.
I never do underestimate them. They are great for teaching beginners what to do and how to do it, but this isn’t a Wrinkle in Time kind of story. It’s more like Lara Croft and her siblings type of script. Action, Fantasy, and that kind of thing.
