(4th revision) 3000 BC: a hybrid child, despised by the world, is adopted by a genie; causing his stepfater’s damnation, he must redeem himself and become the god of the dead, Anubis.

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    Penpusher Posted on October 6, 2019 in Adventure.
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      Scott, I was reading previous versions, and I believe the hybrid is that of, half-wolf, half-human. But it isn’t explained well in this version.

      Also, not sure how the main character being adopted leads to his stepfather’s damnation, the correlation between the two events isn’t easy to see and also not explained.

      But I do think the story is interesting. And I think if the logline were as interesting as the story, it would definitely help sell this.

      Singularity Answered on October 7, 2019.

      That’s too bad.  I was hoping for a half-genie.  Oh well 🙂  So it sounds like just the genie adoption was the stepfather’s problem?  Kind of like an “emancipation” went on here?  But then why does the boy care about the stepfather’s opinion so much?  I have a feeling the writer of the logline is probably going to be frustrated when seeing these comments though.  Hang in there, pal! 🙂

      on October 7, 2019.

      Actually, I did not get frustrated at all, I was really glad people were so thoughtful to the point of commenting what I am trying to do. See, this is my first logline in 57 years 🙂

      It’s about a human-wolf hybrid who is outcast both by humans and wolves, who is adopted by a Djinn because both of them have a great destiny – one is to become Anubis and the other Ammit, the soul devourer, in the world of the dead. Due to a silly thing the child does, the Djinn becomes “damned”. The rest of the story is the redemption of this child during the Unification War in Egypt, being close to the king Narmer.

      on October 8, 2019.
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        The word “hybrid” needs to be defined better.  It’s a hybrid half-human, half-genie?  Or half something else?  The genie adopting him caused his stepfather’s damnation?  This business of “becoming the god of the dead  Anubis” seems like such a non-sequitur.  Does he redeem himself by becoming this god of the dead, like old relatives calling you up after you win the lottery?  Maybe something closer to:

        Shunned for his half-genie lineage, a child must redeem himself in the eyes of his stepfather by becoming Anubis, the god of the dead.

        Samurai Answered on October 7, 2019.
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