After an OCD-afflicted introvert finally gets a chance at true love with an inspiring woman who sees past her condition, jealousy over a casual friendship forces her to face the latent insecurities that threaten her chances.

sdanzig Penpusher Asked on March 12, 2019 in Drama.
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2 Review(s)

What does “face the latent insecurities that threaten her chances” look like on screen? Film is a visual medium and it’s really important to consider what people will be watching on screen. Consider a goal that represents her facing her latent insecurities – for example a shy introvert could have a goal of presenting her idea in front of 2000 people.

The OCD affliction actually becomes somewhat irrelevant towards the end. Jealousy over a casual friendship could be an issue in any relationship so, while the OCD makes her a more interesting character, it doesn’t actually make a lot of difference to the story. In my mind, there isn’t really anything about this story that is any different from anyone else finding a potential lover – it’s always fraught with anxieties and doubts – so why is the audience going to want to watch these two? I think the issue that threatens the relationship needs to be related to the OCD.

Hope this helps.

mikepedley85 Overlord Reviewed on March 12, 2019.

When an introvert finally has a chance at romance in spite of her OCD, her insecurity caused by the OCD ultimately spells the end for the relationship.  And it’s a short, so there’s really nothing that happens more than that.  I wanted to explore a facet of the struggle of someone living with OCD.  And it’s, for better or worse, already written, so I’m gathering (like with my previous attempts to write loglines here) there’s no reasonable way to construct a good logline for the story, which is what I was getting at in a previous comment of mine… it seems impossible to create a logline with a clear “visual” mission unless you design the story around a logline with a clear, visual mission.  I think that’s the biggest lesson of this whole website.

on March 13, 2019.

You said: “…it seems impossible to create a logline with a clear “visual” mission unless you design the story around a logline with a clear, visual mission…”

Not sure what you mean by “…visual mission…” but often problems in a logline are symptomatic of problems in the story. Trying to retroactively fit a logline onto a story that hasn’t got the basic elements it needs, won’t work.

As the old saying goes – writing is rewriting, so never be afraid to change the script if you find problems.

on March 13, 2019.

With a short, you usually start late in the story and finish early. There’s no reason, in my opinion, that the logline can’t cover bits that aren’t actually seen on screen. The inciting incident could have just happened – “When her girlfriend dumps her…” but the film starts 1 week after that – it’s still the trigger for this story. Same with the goal – a logline doesn’t give away the ending, it merely suggests where the protagonist is trying to get to. Is there a way to make it work in this way?

What’s the opening scene and the closing scene of your short? Is there a specific aspect of her OCD that she’s focusing on controlling? OCD is such a broad term and affects everyone in very different ways – can you be more specific? Her goal could be to simply go through a day without having to obsessively tidy? Or only turn the light switch on once? Ending the film with a small success but making it seem like a huge achievement is perfect for a short.

on March 13, 2019.

Mike, that gives me hope.  I’m not adverse to even considering writing the logline without mentioning OCD, and will attempt it, but I think it’s a core part of what drives the conflict in the story, so I’m skeptical on that.

The OCD is her compulsion to count to ten whenever she feels adversity/conflict, stemming from her childhood, with the constant arguing of her parents, and her sibling’s suggestion to count to ten as a way of relaxing.  It became a compulsion later in life, and now she counts to ten enough where it becomes a constant obstruction.

The story doesn’t end well, with her insecurity causing jealousy which spells the end to the romance (the spark kind of dies and the love interest stops showing interest/enthusiasm during their last date), but I’m assuming the way it ends is irrelevant to what she’s trying to do.  It ends with the woman with OCD trying to come up with a way to instant message her love interest, rewriting her message a number of times, then being frozen with indecision and lack of confidence/insecurity.

I think the film loses a lot when it becomes about merely trying to overcome the OCD.  I’ll brainstorm for ways to expand the backstory a bit that might help the logline though.  Frankly, it just seems like a beautiful script to me… I understand the value in marketing, and being able to pitch the film effectively in an elevator, so I’m trying to make this work, and really don’t like the idea of throwing out a potentially great film because the hook isn’t visual enough.  Definitely willing to put in the time to brainstorm and make reasonable modifications though.

Either way, thank you.

on March 16, 2019.
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Perhaps re-writing, being more specific about “gets and chance” and “latent insecurities,” would better convey your story.  As it stands, I sort of want to see the film.

I know that you are exploring OCD and relationships, but wondering if you leave it up to the film to show your audience how this person struggles.   So maybe experiment with writing a logline without even mentioning OCD.

The story idea actually does sound intriguing, especially is your not dealing with the subject matter in a (overly) comedic way.

Best wishes for success!

glennpearl Penpusher Reviewed on March 13, 2019.
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