A 20 something men’s health magazine writer discovers a beautiful shop door just outside of Chinatown that is sometimes there and sometimes not and shows him something new and completely different every time he opens it but no one else can see it or seems to know anything about it.
I guess I would start with some basic question. Is it integral to the logline that he works for a men’s health magazine? Does it matter that the door is in Chinatown? If not, that frees up some space to add more points of tension that jumpstart the story.
There is a great line in Secret of My Success: “You’re inside the door, kid. What you do on the other side is up to you?” So the question is what does he do on the other side of the door.
The logline implied–“no one else can see it”–that he spends time querying people about the door. However, it would seem the point of the story is what he experience through the door. How that changes him? Story in some general way is about change. If we caught of glimpse of how the door might change him, or effect his life, I think this logline would really sing.
The idea of a door that leads to different places–or a different place every time someone goes through it is intriguing. But I would like a little glimpse as to where the door would go before I bought the ticket.
Just a thought.
The value I see of loglines is twofold
– it helps me work out the essential throughline and beginning, middle, end of an idea. I wont work on a script until I have nailed the logline.
– it communicates to others (producers, investors, actors) what your story is about.
The logline you have written doesnt do this. Have you written this script already then?
The distinction is a matter of who/what is in the driver’s seat. A character can drive the plot (things happen because of what the character does); the plot can drive the character (things happens and the character has to react). Either way, there’s plot.
Maybe you can write a masterpiece from this logline, I like arty movies, experimental movies and so on, but I don’t think this kind of movies are conceived and written in a way that can be discussed in a website like this one. You can be a genius, I don’t know if we can see this from your logline (I personally don’t). To write and produce this kind of art films you have to struggle. A lot. Here we discuss craft, not art (in my opinion). From this point of view, your logline lacks the most basic elements. It can be done, but this is not the place.