A basketball star must battle his vengeful mother’s attempt to sabotage his championship hopes when a posthumous letter from his long-lost dad reveals the young man was abducted and raised under a false identity.


    Logliner Posted on March 27, 2020 in Drama.
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      The way I read this: The young man’s mother has given him a letter from his dead father revealing that she ran away with the young man (who I assume is her own son since you say nothing about his real mother) and raised him under a false name. And she gives him this letter at this moment to mentally upset him while he is playing a basketball tournament because she wants revenge for some wrong we don’t yet know about.

      At its core you have a story about a basketball player who has to overcome some personal issues to help his TEAM win the championship. The problem your story faces is that the personal issues do not seem all that compelling. The usual reason women run away with their own babies is because the men in their life abused them. The idea that the woman is extremely selfish and ran away with the baby so she could have it all for herself is far fetched. All she has to do is tell her son his father beat her and he will believe her because it is far more likely than the alternative.

      I think you are trying to juggle too much in one logline. Concentrate on the relationship between mother and son and relegate the father to a subplot not mentioned in the logline. Tell us why the two main characters are at war with each other and what is at stake for each.

      Mentor Answered on March 27, 2020.

      Hello yqwertz,

      I also sent this response to Richiev.

      Since my screenplay, “A Shot At Faith” is an inspirational/sport feature, what do you think of this version? My script is already written, and has recently drawn the interest of a well-established producer. My screenplay is a “Hoosiers” meets “The Blind Side” type of film.

      Logline: Faith and basketball inspire a forsaken boy to overcome parental abduction, abuse and a changed identity to become a college All-American.




      on March 29, 2020.
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        Thank you yqwertz. I think I’m through actually posting anymore versions for a while. I did come up with another version (see below), which might be more effective?


        After a college basketball star plays on national television, his championship hopes are jeopardized after a family relative delivers proof the young man had been abducted and given a new identity by his felonious mother.

        Logliner Answered on March 28, 2020.
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          Would this logline make more sense?

          When a college basketball star, abducted as a child by his addicted mother is seen playing in a nationally televised game, he must prove his true identity or miss the playoffs when a distant uncle delivers a posthumous letter from his long-lost dad detailing the young man’s untold past.

          Logliner Answered on March 28, 2020.

          I like this logline attempt better (Sorry I read this before I read you next post which streamlines this logline in a more effective way )

          on March 28, 2020.
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