Police are desperately trying to find and arrest a serial killer/rapist. Jimmy, a blind 9-year-old Hispanic boy, visits a police station, claiming to know the Serial Killer’s identity. He states that a demonic entity is behind all the recent killings and sexual assaults. He claims a demon made the killer rape and kill all those innocent women. Jimmy also wants to report an undetected road accident. He says with his help, the serial killer will soon be arrested, but the entity has already found another victim to do its evil deed. Excited to finally apprehend the serial killer, Sheila Jones, 25, African American female police officer, begins investigating Jimmy’s serial killer and accident claims. But shrugs off the rest. Jimmy’s information checks out. The serial killer gets arrested, and the road accident victims, who happen to be Jimmy’s parents, are recovered from the accident scene.
Now officer Jones wants to know where did Jimmy get all this information. Jimmy begins telling her a story:
Alan, handsome, 23, was just released from prison on parole. He begins to experience horrifying paranormal activities and has strange dreams in which he is told his 55-year-old neighbor Chester is the serial killer. Through a female medium, Alan finds out a few human spirits are trying to communicate with him but are being terrorized by a demonic entity. It is decided that the medium and a priest will perform an exorcism the following night, during which Alan should not be at home. The medium leaves and the same day, Alan meets Cristal, a 23-year-old, gorgeous woman. It’s love at first sight. Alan is very excited to attend a party he and Cristal are both invited to. Alan drinks alcohol at the party and decides to drive a friend’s ATV despite consuming alcohol and driving any kind of vehicle being against his parole conditions. But Alan drives the ATV anyways and causes a road accident that nobody is around to witness. Alan almost dies in the accident. But a couple loses their lives. Alan wants to report the accident to the authorities. But he is drunk and has been driving. He will be put back in jail if anybody finds out what he has done. Alan thinks of escaping the accident scene. But he changes his mind and decides to help the victims (the couple). He approaches the vehicle down the ravine and hears the lady moaning and mumbling something. She is taking her last breaths. Alan approaches her and she whispers the name of her son Jimmy to Alan before she dies. Thinking the woman wants him to tell her son what happened, Alan heads to the couple’s house, which is located near his own house and sees Jimmy in an unusual situation. Alan finds out Jimmy is blind and takes him to his own house. But Alan realizes Jimmy is acting strangely. Remorseful and apologetic, Alan tells Jimmy all about the accident and how his parents died.
Alan is under constant attack by the demons and spirits until the paranormal team, and the priest arrives at his house. But Alan has to stay out of his house. The paranormal team arrives, the female medium is performing an EVP session, and the priest doing the initial exorcism prayers. suddenly, Jimmy falls very ill. Alan takes Jimmy to the backyard and goes back inside the house to make his presence known to the team. Alan calls the medium’s name. But she hears Alan’s voice coming out of the EVP device instead of Alan’s own voice. Alan realizes he also was killed in the accident he caused earlier.
Back to the police station:
After hearing Jimmy’s story, officer Jones exits the room to answer a private call. But she suddenly remembers Jimmy’s words about the demon finding its next victim to do its criminal deeds. She has flashbacks & realizes Jimmy is the next killer possessed by the same demon. But Jimmy has disappeared.
BenGilaniLogliner
A blind boy who helps police identify and apprehend a possessed serial killer must now prove that he witnessed the crimes and convince the police that a demonic entity is the real culprit behind the recent homicides.
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“blind boy” = protagonist
“helps police identify and apprehend a possessed serial killer” = inciting incident
“must prove he witnessed the crimes” = main character goal
Seems the playfulness of this logline, might be the contrast of blindness vs. sight. How a blind individual’s witness of a crime would probably provide less useable evidence. But how this might link to a demonic entity, as the real homicide culprit, is the real challenge.
An important quality of story, is for the audience to first empathise with the main character. Tell us a little about the boy, not just his blindness, but one or two words describing his psychology. Courageous, weak, adventurous, timid … these are relatable qualities. That determine how he might relate to inciting incident events. That affect how he might emotionally respond to main goal struggles.
Hello Philippe,
Thank you for taking the time and answering my logline. Does the term “Mysterious” serve the purpose? How does it sound now?
A mysterious blind boy who helps police identify and apprehend a possessed serial killer must now prove that he witnessed the crimes and convince the police that a demonic entity is the real culprit behind the recent homicides.
Ben
Hey Ben,
Getting warmer. While ‘mysterious’ is a trait, it perhaps lacks the psychologal clarity of the character trait ‘Reserved’. Or its related traits:
Bashful, constrained, constricted, controlled, detached, distant, guarded, inhibited, introverted, repressed, restrained, reticent, stiff, subdued, unassuming, withdrawn.
The second benefit, is contrast. Story defined, is Conflict, and the most effective conflict is contrast of character trait. The Reserved trait gives a clear opposite, ‘Unreserved’, bold, casual, confident, direct, extroverted etc. Setting the stage for the other most important character: Villain/Antagonist. In this case, the Police character!
Hi Philippe,
Thank you for your comments. “Reserved” it is then. It does match the boy’s characteristics.
A reserved blind boy who helps police identify and apprehend a possessed serial killer must now prove that he witnessed the crimes and convince the police that a demonic entity is the real culprit behind the recent homicides.
Done?
How about:
A reserved blind boy helps police identify and apprehend a serial killer and must now prove that he witnessed the crimes. Complications arise when he insists a demonic entity possessed the killer.