A boarding school with an all-women faculty is rocked with the suicide of a student, whose parents are undergoing a messy public divorce, on the eve of its 30th anniversary. Thereby, leaving the headmistress in the crosshairs of his parents, the authorities, the press and her own conscience.

Adarsh Dora Penpusher Asked on February 11, 2019 in Thriller.
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What’s the suicide got to do with the headmistress? The school wasn’t responsible for the suicide and doesn’t seem to be at fault – based on this logline at least. It might be worth specifying that the suicide happened on school property as that will at least bring the headmistress into play.

Why is the fact the school has an all-female faculty relevant to the story? Or that the school is about to have its 30th anniversary? If the story is about how the school deals with the suicide of a student then, in the logline at least, the reason for the suicide is somewhat redundant.

I think the idea of how a student suicide might affect the students and faculty at any school is an idea worth exploring but it’s worth checking the “Our formula” page for help with formatting.

You have a good inciting incident but I’m not sure that the headmistress’s goals are at present. This logline is basically just one long setup. What happens next?

Give us more information about this headmistress. What’s going to be her arc for the story? Give the reader some clue how she will deal with this conflict.

Hope this helps.

mikepedley85 Mentor Reviewed on February 12, 2019.

Hi!

Thank you for reviewing my logline. I posted an updated version of my logline on the website today. But as Richiev pointed out, I’m not sure it is the right one as it gives away the reveal.

Do let me know your thoughts on the same.

on February 12, 2019.
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