A bounty hunter and a renegade race against the power-hungry to find an utopia lost in time.

Libari Penpusher Asked on January 11, 2018 in Fantasy.
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11 Review(s)

Kinda vague as to what this utopia and the relation to lost in time within this story struggle means. Power hungry can mean anyone, really. Can you specify more where this heroes journey leads us?

Foxtrot25 Summitry Reviewed on January 11, 2018.

It’s meant to be a wish-granting utopia. Whether it’s riches beyond your wildest dreams, power to rule the world, etc.

As for the power-hungry, I meant people like political/drug lords, former comrades, and maybe the supernatural.

So even with describing that, that’s probably still a bit generic, so what can I do to maybe be on the right path to making it unique I suppose?

on January 11, 2018.
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Why do the Bad guys/gals want to find this utopia?  What’s in it for them?  What’s the payoff?  What do they intend to do if they find it first?

And what are the personal stakes for the duo if they fail?  What’s their motive?    They are rogue characters; it doesn’t seem to make sense that they are doing out of altruism, out the goodness of their hearts.  Not initially, anyway.

And what is the inciting incident that gets the bounty hunter and renegade involved, interested in and committed to doing whatever they have to do?  IOW: the call to action.

dpg Singularity Reviewed on January 11, 2018.

For the villains; their motivations are mainly power. Ranging from riches, fame, knowledge, spreading religion, and personal; saving a loved one from an illness, etc.

For the protags; self-interest. a bounty hunter hunts people down and tries to take them in alive for the highest bid, right? So I tried basing that off the protag’s motivation for Iridescia; riches beyond his wildest dreams. As for the renegade, not only the power to clear her name (or freedom) but to live life on her own terms and find out what’s beyond the current. How can I make it sound like they aren’t doing it out of altruism?

Call to action; sort of the same as above. For the renegade, clearing her name and not letting someone take power beforehand and do what they like, which would tarnish her motivation. For the bounty hunter; his motive eventually changes from riches to needing companionship above all else.

on January 11, 2018.
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Libari:

Thanks for the clarification.

>>> For the renegade, clearing her name and not letting someone take power beforehand and do what they like, which would tarnish her motivation. For the bounty hunter; his motive eventually changes from riches to needing companionship above all else.

That describes WHY they pursue the objective goal–their motivations.  But the inciting incident, the call to action, is about the WHAT, not the why.  The call to action is a specific event (external to the characters) that sets up the plot, that causes them to pursue the objective goal of the plot

For example,  in the  movie “Wonder Woman”, the inciting incident that triggers all the action  of the plot is the British pilot crashing onto the island where the Amazons reside.

What is the specific event that upsets their status quo, pivots their lives in a new direction and causes them to pursue the objective goal.?

dpg Singularity Reviewed on January 11, 2018.

I’ve been having trouble figuring this part out actuslly. I originally had it start with the bounty hunter catching the renegade, attempting to kill her and failing, then maybe something happens in between that causes them to band together, out of personal wants and how they might achieve it through each other.

on January 11, 2018.
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If the story begins with your lead killing a corrupt noble. That should be in the logline.

Richiev Singularity Reviewed on January 13, 2018.

It begins with the bounty hunter regularly doing his job to reveal some character about him until he meets the renegade, who has a large bounty on her and who he tries to catch. The two help each other out somehow out of self-interest and eventually become allies, but band together at first because of personal wants. I find myself having trouble trying to define the event that bands the two together, if that makes sense.

on January 14, 2018.

So you have this big event… the renegade kills a corrupt official, but you are going to start your story with the bounty hunter doing his regular job.,,

on January 14, 2018.

As for what binds them together, that’s easy, the corrupt government mistakes the bounty hunter as an ally of the renegade. They shoot first and ask questions later, Now the two leads are stuck together whether they like it or not.

on January 14, 2018.
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