A broken woman finds herself married to a highly respected deacon, but must now escape a life of abuse and ultimately find her own true spiritual identity.

    Penpusher Posted on February 8, 2019 in Drama.

    Sorry.   I was not getting any responses under this updated log line in the comments section posted a few days ago under the original post.

    on February 8, 2019.
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    3 Review(s)
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      The story concept is good.

      And this logline attempt is better than the last, more condensed.

      However, does the story begin with the lead character leaving the well-respected decon (and the story is about the lead character finding herself?)
      or does the story end with her finally calling it quits on her marriage to go find herself? (The story being all the events that lead up to her walking out on her marriage?)

      Singularity Answered on February 10, 2019.
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        What’s the character arc?

        Penpusher Answered on February 8, 2019.

        She goes from being insecure and believing that her happiness depends on her husbands opinion of her.  Manipulated by him as he twists the word of God to his own benefit, she tries to please him and suffers in silence to not only protect herself, but also her children.
        However, with the help of a good friend, she secretly studies the word for herself which builds her confidence in finding her own identity and ultimately  loving herself and being happy within.  This gave her the courage to stand up regardless of having nowhere to go and expose her wicked husband for who he is.

        on February 19, 2019.
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          Saying “finds herself married” makes it sound accidental. Why is she a broken woman? (I know because I’ve read previous versions of this logline but newbies won’t).

          The inciting incident isn’t really evident in this version. You need to give us the moment that flipped her seemingly happy life upside down – to me that’s when her husband, whom she thought was perfect, starting abusing her.

          The goal of finding her spiritual identity… what does that look like on screen? Film is a visual medium so it’s important to think about what will be happening on screen.

          Is the fact that he’s a highly respected deacon relevant? In my head, change this to any other profession and it doesn’t make a lot of difference. The important bit for me is understanding why this is so difficult for her and that comes from her past. Consider describing her as a “child abuse victim” or something similar as this suggests why it will be so much harder for her to find herself in this situation again.

          Hope this all helps.

          Singularity Answered on February 8, 2019.

          Okay Mike you have very invaluable suggestions.   Here’s another editing.  I removed the spiritual identity part, however, it will still be included in the movie itself because that was an area she was being manipulated by.  Also the “deacon” position is important because it’s about the deception of someone high in the church.   While his behavior maybe generally unacceptable, it will be a shock in the eyes of the congregation coming from someone who is supposed to be spiritually matured.  I can’t seem to get this around 25 words.  Urg…

          A woman raised in an unscrupulous orphanage hopes of happiness were shattered shortly after marrying a highly respected deacon when he suddenly begins to inflict a  familiar abuse upon her.  She must now muster up the courage to free herself once and for all.

          on February 12, 2019.
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