A broken woman finds herself married to a highly respected deacon, but must now escape a life of abuse and ultimately find her own true spiritual identity.
Saying “finds herself married” makes it sound accidental. Why is she a broken woman? (I know because I’ve read previous versions of this logline but newbies won’t).
The inciting incident isn’t really evident in this version. You need to give us the moment that flipped her seemingly happy life upside down – to me that’s when her husband, whom she thought was perfect, starting abusing her.
The goal of finding her spiritual identity… what does that look like on screen? Film is a visual medium so it’s important to think about what will be happening on screen.
Is the fact that he’s a highly respected deacon relevant? In my head, change this to any other profession and it doesn’t make a lot of difference. The important bit for me is understanding why this is so difficult for her and that comes from her past. Consider describing her as a “child abuse victim” or something similar as this suggests why it will be so much harder for her to find herself in this situation again.
Hope this all helps.
The story concept is good.
And this logline attempt is better than the last, more condensed.
However, does the story begin with the lead character leaving the well-respected decon (and the story is about the lead character finding herself?)
or does the story end with her finally calling it quits on her marriage to go find herself? (The story being all the events that lead up to her walking out on her marriage?)