henbSamurai Asked: April 28, 20192019-04-28T21:56:22+10:00 2019-04-28T21:56:22+10:00In: ActionA CSIS agent returns to duty to stop an eco-terrorist leader who’s missing his original face, and his followers who are in possession of the American government’s plans for the next 81 years.– ShareFacebook5 ReviewsVotedOldestRecentRobb Ross 0 Loglines 123 Reviews 10 Best Reviews 3,175 Points View Profile Robb Ross Samurai 2019-04-29T02:39:42+10:00Added an answer on April 29, 2019 at 2:39 am Clarify if this takes place in Canada or the US.Explaining why he has to return- why can’t another agent work the case?- will help flesh him out. Though is that the extent of the irony? Doesn’t seem like a big deal for an agent to do what he used to do.What are the stakes, the terrorist’s plan?Missing his face is a detail for the script, unless it’s clarified in the logline to be more signifcant.Even with suspension of disbelief, the 81 years part is a turn-off because there’s no sense or relatability to it. Is there something more specific to this that got lost in translation? A plan for a few months from now?0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppKarel Segers 8 Loglines 72 Reviews 11 Best Reviews 2,616 Points View Profile Karel Segers Samurai 2019-04-29T06:04:45+10:00Added an answer on April 29, 2019 at 6:04 am henb, this site is free but we ask that you also return the favour by reviewing 2 loglines for each logline you post. So, please review 4 loglines from other writers before posting any more. I have put your ?newest 3 loglines on hold until you have contributed your part. Thank you.0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppAidan Soguero 2 Loglines 9 Reviews 1 Best Answer 289 Points View Profile Aidan Soguero Logliner 2019-04-30T04:55:30+10:00Added an answer on April 30, 2019 at 4:55 am While this isn’t bad writing, it is not a successful logline in my opinion. You present our protagonist, and then you present some other aspects of our narrative world, but it lacks a clear plot. A CSIS agent returns to duty (okay, that’s good set-up) to stop an eco-terrorist (alright, there’s his antagonist) who’s missing his original face (what? clearly this needs set-up in your world, since in our known universe people don’t lose their faces, but to avoid over complicating your logline by explaining the scifi nature of this world, maybe just not mention that. Execs will learn it when they read your script, but for now just him being an eco-terrorist is enough), and his followers who are yada yada (this part makes very little sense as well. 81 years? That’s a random length of time. And why does it matter that they have the government’s plans? If you’re adding info, you need to also include why it adds to the antagonism of the plot).So, An ex-CSIS agent returns to duty to stop an eco-terrorist, that’s all good. I would cut the rest and figure out a way to integrate more succinct but important details to the plot.0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsApphenb 23 Loglines 43 Reviews 4 Best Reviews 1,142 Points View Profile henb Samurai 2019-10-20T21:40:21+10:00Added an answer on October 20, 2019 at 9:40 pm LOGLINE UPDATE #1:The best agent working for CSIS is given a secret mission to stop an eco-terrorist leader and his co-conspirators from making the government’s devious plans for the next eighty-one years public knowledge.0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppRichiev 64 Loglines 3,473 Reviews 306 Best Reviews 81,779 Points View Profile Richiev Singularity 2019-10-22T05:35:41+10:00Added an answer on October 22, 2019 at 5:35 am There the problem of suspension of disbelief that goes along with any story.In the case of your story, the reader has to suspend their disbelief that the US government is competent enough to carry out an 81-year plan.0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppYou must login to add an answer. Username or email* Password* Remember Me! Forgot Password?