A dangerous serial killer is the only survivor in a plane crash, when she was transported to a different prison, she is rescued by tibetans from remote high mountain village. After being treated from her injuries she faces a choice to leave the village or to merry 7 brothers of a family who took care of her, according to their matriarchal tradition.

    Samurai Posted on August 27, 2016 in Drama.

    thank you so much for your opinion, would this logline work?

    After a failed relationship, a young woman decides to travel to china and finds more than she ever expected, the love of a very caring man and his 7 younger brothers.

    on August 31, 2016.
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    11 Review(s)

      You can probably take out the bit about the prison transport… seems superficial for the logline.  You could even replace “serial killer” with “prisoner” if you want to convey that it’s a prisoner.  Serial killers are more attention-getting, so I’d leave prison out.

      Two questions come to mind:

      Why would the killer ever decide to stay?  Why would she care about this tradition?  You’re relying on a “matriarchy” to be hard to pass up?

      And … does the woman need to choose one?  Or is it ALL 7?

      Samurai Answered on August 27, 2016.

      Yes, she has to marry all 7 brothers, according to tradition that is kept in the village (it really exist in some places still in Tibet). To leave the village means death as it´s very remote place, and there is no GPS.  Also the prisoner doesn´t want back to jail, she may be cought.  So  i left the choice for the woman on the logline to leave (= to die, or back to jail) or to accept and follow the villagers´tradition, to merry all the brothers in the family (and if she marries them what will happen, is she going to kill someone or not, is she going to share the bed with all of them, does she like all of them. besides it´s a very different culture? This questions, i think (i may be wrong), come up reading the logline). I had an option, though, the main character to be a nun instead of a killer.

      on August 27, 2016.
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        No, you’ve still got a long logline (two sentences) when I said to merge it into one. Reread my previous comment and try it again.

        Mentor Answered on August 27, 2016.
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          I personally don’t like loglines that focus on a choice. A choice is a matter of just one scene (or of a boring movie). I’d like to see more clearly a goal and what opposes to it.

          Mentor Answered on August 28, 2016.
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            This is quote long. A logline should be as clear and concise as possible, try and merge the sentences into just one and focus on the character, his flaw, the inciting incident, his goal and what is stopping him. All the rest can and probably should be cut. Hope this helps.

            Mentor Answered on August 27, 2016.

            Moses99, thanks for your advise,
            Would this work?
            “A  serial killer is the only survivor in a plane crash, while was transported to a prison, she is rescued by tibetans from remote high mountain village. The only choice she has to stay out of the prison is to merry all the 7 brothers of a family who took care of her, according to their matriarchal tradition”

            on August 27, 2016.
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              Another version. I Also decided to substitute “the serial killer” to a nun.

              Survivor of a plane crash, a young nun finds herself in a remote high mountain tibetan village where she has to accept their matriarchal tradition and marry all the 7 brothers of a family who took care of her.

              Samurai Answered on August 28, 2016.
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                That’s a radical change of character.  Seems like you’ve got a situation in search of an appropriate character.

                And I don’t yet have a  buy in for the premise of, in effect, a shotgun polyandry as as a drama.  She’s an outsider, so there’s that issue.  Why would the women of the tribe not just compel but force an outsider to marry into their bloodline?

                I can see this as a comedy, okay,  because comedies have greater latitude to bend the rules or make up  rules.  The audience understands and accepts that latitude. It’s easier for them to suspend disbelief and go with the story.  But as a drama,  my disbelief is not yet suspended.


                Singularity Answered on August 28, 2016.
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                  Marry and gain power or die isn’t a choice really.  Perhaps the story lies in the struggle to get accepted enough to marry, instead of expulsion and death.

                  ‘A serial killer is found by remote Tibetan village after a plan crash.  She has a chance of ruling the village once she gets away with removing a few woman the stand in her way’

                  Perhaps not your story.  I can’t see the stakes or logic in what you have given us so far.

                  Summitry Answered on August 28, 2016.
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                    Agree with FFF.  Plots are not about deciding to make a choice.  Plots are about what happens after a choice is made to pursue an objective goal.   What does she want in this situation?  What does she do to get what she wants?

                    Singularity Answered on August 28, 2016.
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                      I am still a bit confused by this logline. What is the movie’s genre?   Polygamy is usually pretty creepy but this feels more romantic and why does she HAVE to accept the marriage? What is the conflict?

                      You are closer, but as a reader, I still would also  like to know who is the hero? The Brothers who save her? Or the Serial killer?  Currently, I am not rooting for either of them.

                      Interesting idea but you still need some re-writing, clarification.

                      Good luck!

                      Penpusher Answered on August 29, 2016.
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                        Thank you so much for opinions and advises.
                        Maybe to go this way, in a comedy genre probably: The serial killer wants to start a new life with a tibetan man who rescued her from a plane crash, she falls in love and gets into relationship. Her decision is under threat when she learns that she is considered a girlfriend of all his younger brothers according to their tradition.

                        dpg, you are completely right, i learned about that strange tradition that is very unusual for our society. And i was trying to find the right mach for that and i see serial killer has nothing to do with that 🙂  I wanted to place a woman from our society to a very unexpected and unusual situation. An extreme candidate would be a nun (instead of “serial killer”) Being the only survivor in a plane crash may be a sign from above for her, but how would she interpret that sign, would she attempt to convert all the buddhists  into christians or would she radically change her mind and accept the tradition of the villagers and would have relationship with many men. Plane is also used to “deliver” the woman to a place where she can´t escape. I feel something is their, i´m just not really good with english, i am from Siberia

                        Samurai Answered on August 29, 2016.
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