A disgruntled actress attempts to renew her U.S. residency by agreeing to help a politician fabricate a personable image in a reality TV show about the Arizona hierarchy.

choshnic10 Penpusher Asked 5 days ago in Comedy.
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5 Review(s)

The premise seems a bit convoluted. As Craig pointed out, what is she disgruntled about? Is her disgruntled attitude justified or is she a spoiled bratt?

How is she going to fabricate a personable image?

What does Arizona hierarchy mean?

Nir Shelter Singularity Reviewed 4 days ago.
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What is she disgruntled about. It’s not bad but perhaps there is a better word.

In an attempt to renew her US residency and actress must help a politician frabricate a likable personality on a reality TV show but ……

Give her some obstacles or an challenge to overcome.

CraigDGriffiths Overlord Reviewed 4 days ago.

As an Aussie no idea what the other thing is you referred to.

4 days ago.
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I live in the US and I, too, have no idea what the “Arizona hierarchy” refers to.  And I also find the premise to be convoluted; the elements — disgruntled… renew residency…. fabricate a personable image… Arizona hierarchy — just don’t cohere into a clear picture of what the plot is about.

dpg Singularity Reviewed 4 days ago.
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“With her visa set to expire, a desperate PR exec is forced by a ruthless congressman to salvage his image, a month before the election, in return for a renewed visa; but problems ensue when she falls for the opposing candidate.”
———————————————————-
Okay I used the word ‘visa’ twice, so it is not a perfect attempt but hopefully you can see where I am going with this one.

Richiev Singularity Reviewed 4 days ago.

How about:

“A  desperate PR exec is forced by a ruthless congressman to salvage his image, a month before the election, in return for renewing her nearly expired visa; but problems ensue when she falls for the opposing candidate”

Cuts out a few words.

3 days ago.

I think It works.

However the reason I wrote my logline example in the order did, is because, first you present a problem, “When this happens” Then you tell the audience what the character must do about it (This would be the goal) then you present something that might be standing in the way, adding conflict.

Also, irony, ticking clock and stakes are always welcome in a logline

Still I do believe your new example does work.

3 days ago.
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>>>but problems ensue when she falls for the opposing candidate”

I think that for this to work,  her objective goal must directly — not obliquely — clash with her relationship.  And I suggest that a goal that would bring her into head on conflict with her love interest  is for her to be hired to go negative, to do opposition research and trash her love interest.

It’s also more realistic. Going negative is SOP in politics.  Alas, that has been demonstrated over and over to be the most effective way to campaign.  It’s not enough to polish one politician’s image; it is also necessary to trash the rival.

Therefore, to maximize conflict and comedy in the situation,  the objective goal given to her ought to be  to do negative research, to trash the rival.

And since there’s only a month to go until the election, it’s too late for her to credibly fall in love with him.  Better that they are already secret lovers when she’s hired.

fwiw

dpg Singularity Reviewed 2 days ago.

Actually, characters fall in love pretty much instantly in movies.

One of my favorite political movies is called Speechless. It stars Micheal Keaton and Gena Davis (1994) In the movie the two leads can’t sleep and meet one night, they have a wonderful time.

The next day they find out that they are both speechwriters for opposing candidates.

Comedy ensues.

2 days ago.
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