A disgruntled actress attempts to renew her U.S. residency by agreeing to help a politician fabricate a personable image in a reality TV show about the Arizona hierarchy.

    choshnic10 Penpusher Asked on November 14, 2017 in Comedy.
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    5 Review(s)

      The premise seems a bit convoluted. As Craig pointed out, what is she disgruntled about? Is her disgruntled attitude justified or is she a spoiled bratt?

      How is she going to fabricate a personable image?

      What does Arizona hierarchy mean?

      Nir Shelter Singularity Reviewed on November 14, 2017.
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        What is she disgruntled about. It’s not bad but perhaps there is a better word.

        In an attempt to renew her US residency and actress must help a politician frabricate a likable personality on a reality TV show but ……

        Give her some obstacles or an challenge to overcome.

        CraigDGriffiths Summitry Reviewed on November 14, 2017.

        As an Aussie no idea what the other thing is you referred to.

        on November 14, 2017.
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          I live in the US and I, too, have no idea what the “Arizona hierarchy” refers to.  And I also find the premise to be convoluted; the elements — disgruntled… renew residency…. fabricate a personable image… Arizona hierarchy — just don’t cohere into a clear picture of what the plot is about.

          dpg Singularity Reviewed on November 14, 2017.
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            “With her visa set to expire, a desperate PR exec is forced by a ruthless congressman to salvage his image, a month before the election, in return for a renewed visa; but problems ensue when she falls for the opposing candidate.”
            ———————————————————-
            Okay I used the word ‘visa’ twice, so it is not a perfect attempt but hopefully you can see where I am going with this one.

            Richiev Singularity Reviewed on November 15, 2017.

            How about:

            “A  desperate PR exec is forced by a ruthless congressman to salvage his image, a month before the election, in return for renewing her nearly expired visa; but problems ensue when she falls for the opposing candidate”

            Cuts out a few words.

            on November 15, 2017.

            I think It works.

            However the reason I wrote my logline example in the order did, is because, first you present a problem, “When this happens” Then you tell the audience what the character must do about it (This would be the goal) then you present something that might be standing in the way, adding conflict.

            Also, irony, ticking clock and stakes are always welcome in a logline

            Still I do believe your new example does work.

            on November 15, 2017.
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