A dominatrix and control freak of a public defender spends her off time stripping to support her 3 kids but when her extra curricular activities put her at risk of getting disbarred, shes no longer sure if she’s flying or falling with style

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Penpusher Posted on January 14, 2020 in Drama.
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    A logline is a concise summary of the plot up to at least the midpoint but possibly the end of Act II.

    You’ve given us a very interesting situation but you need to give us a goal. When she’s at risk of being disbarred, what is she going to do about it?

    Scrap the “flying or falling with style bit” – it means nothing in a logline as it doesn’t tell me anything about the plot. Merely that she’s in a predicament and she doesn’t know what to do. Think of it this way: If I asked you to imagine someone who was “no longer sure if she was flying or falling with style” would you be interested in what you saw? Or would you just be picturing a woman thinking?

    The inciting incident here is being discovered that she strips for extra cash. This, coupled with the fact she’s an attorney is great. Stick with it! As it stands though, this is just the inciting incident:

    “When a well-respected judge discovers she’s a part-time stripper putting her career at risk, a struggling public defender and mother must…”

    This isn’t great, but it gives us a primary antagonist – a physical figure who can represent the antagonistic views  of society with her choices – and sets her up so we know who she is, why she does it, and what she stands to lose.

    We don’t need to know it’s 3 kids – she’s a mother so that’ll do. The dominatrix and control freak bit… it’s interesting but, personally, I would either go with “dominatrix” or “stripper”. I think dominatrix is potentially more interesting and less cliche.

    Definitely an interesting situation so keep going with this one.

    Singularity Answered on January 14, 2020.
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